OT -- Sebastian Telfair

by Adam J. Morris on Apr 25, 2007 1:21 PM CDT in News Comment 25 comments

Okay, so the Celtics are talking about releasing Sebastian Telfair, after he got arrested a few days ago.

Telfair has been fascinating to me for a long time...this is the guy who was touted as being the top basketball prospect in his nationwide class when he was in the 4th grade, is apparently a legend in NYC, and has somehow maintained this mystique that allowed him to be drafted high in the first round of the NBA draft despite being a 5'11" point guard who is shaky defensively and can't shoot. He seems like someone who looks like potentially the second coming of fellow NYC legend and one-time And1 star Rafer Alston, not the next Stephon Marbury.

And certainly not, as Scoop Jackson suggested, the next Isiah Thomas (with Juan Dixon and Jarrett Jack being the next Joe Dumars and Microwave, according to Scoop).

So anyway...Telfair has gotten arrested, the Celtics have taken his name plate off his locker and are making noises about terminating his contract, and there's a resulting uproar. Personally, I'd think the Celts would be able to just foist Telfair off on his hometown Knicks, who would get good buzz for bringing the local hero home, and could pair him with Nate Robertson, since you can never have enough guys under 6 feet tall who can't shoot or play defense on your team.

Telfair's lawyer gets all righteously indignant in the article, invoking the Duke lacrosse players and presumption of innocence and all that. But the amazing part, to me, was this quote:

[Telfair's lawyer] said Telfair supports 17 relatives on his NBA salary since being drafted out of high school in Brooklyn.

He's supporting 17 relatives?

Seriously?

I don't even know if I have 17 relatives.

And if I do have 17 relatives, I can assure you, I'm not supporting them. If SBNation is the next YouTube and Google buys it for $2.3 billion, allowing me to retire with many millions of dollars, I'll pass out 17 beanpies and 17 bags of jalapeno Cornnuts, and tell my 17 relatives I'll make some calls to help them find 17 jobs.

But I'm sure as hell not supporting them.

And maybe that means there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm a bad person for not wanting to let all my relatives live off of me. And maybe it is just because I don't have the money...maybe, if I really were making $1.7 million per year (like Telfair) and had a $10 million shoe contract, I'd want to have Ben as my valet and my other brothers as my driver and bodyguard, and have my uncles and aunts answer my mail for me or something.

I doubt it, though.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Maybe Telfair is supporting 17 elderly and infirm relatives. Maybe they are crippled, or mentally impaired, or something.

But I just don't get it.

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Mmmmm

Beanpies and jalapeno Corn Nuts...

<drool>

Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man

by Escher on Apr 25, 2007 1:27 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

They did

a special on him on ESPN a while back. And yes he had a ton of relatives and people depending on him in the film (when he was still in high school).

by Agreen07 on Apr 25, 2007 1:27 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

You'd think one of them

would convince him to work on his game in the off season. Like maybe a jump shot or something.

You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad! You don't win friends with salad!

by thedirkatron on Apr 25, 2007 1:41 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Yea

I'm not defending him or anything, I'm just saying I remember he had a lot of people depending on him

by Agreen07 on Apr 25, 2007 1:48 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Between

Brothers, Sisters, Nieces and Nephews, I'm at 17 also. That doesn't include parents.

"The very fundamental issue is, they (Bush Admin) don't know where the hell they're going," --Ret Marine Gen. John "Jack" Sheehan after declining "War Czar" job

by DJCahill on Apr 25, 2007 1:30 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

you're nobody till

you have an entourage!

buffering....

by SteveP on Apr 25, 2007 1:39 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

That cracks me up

that he had a ton of relatives "depending" on him. Screw going out and getting jobs, educating themselves, trade schools, etc. - let's just wait on our free meal ticket to make it.

"Everyone in the world thinks they know everyhing" - DStar

by Mike Simonek on Apr 25, 2007 1:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

No way

They gots to keeps it real.

You using the whole fist Doc?

by Arnold Babar on Apr 25, 2007 1:45 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Can a lucky midget be a valet?

Ben may be too busy with the standings, anyway.

by tklawless on Apr 25, 2007 1:49 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Ask...

Tatu.

by benmor78 on Apr 25, 2007 4:07 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

he may well have 17 relatives depending on him

my mom has 6 brothers and sisters and each of them has between 1-3 kids and some of them now have kids. I could get to 17 relatives within a 10 mile radius.

And "depending on him" could be a misnomer. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're laying around on the couch all day because Sebastian has them covered, but that he's helping them make ends meet. Or that now that he's helping them out with rent they can go to school to get a job that'll help put them above the poverty line. That may not be the case in Telfair's story, but I don't think I could turn out my family if I'm making 20 times as much as the rest of them combined.

------------
:) - Obligatory smiley showing I don't mean whatever mean
spiritedness is likely contained in the preceding post

by jtts on Apr 25, 2007 2:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

support

I wouldn't support all my relatives either, but I'd probably give them some damn nice Christmas presents and pay off my parents' mortgage and stuff like that.

by t ball on Apr 25, 2007 2:16 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

I want to know where the gold at....

With his NBA salary over the past 3 years and his Adidas deal he has made well over $20 million. I am no math whiz but that seems like more than enough to take care of 17 people for quite a few years.

You using the whole fist Doc?

by Arnold Babar on Apr 25, 2007 2:24 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Who all see the Leprechan?

"Everyone in the world thinks they know everyhing" - DStar

by Mike Simonek on Apr 25, 2007 5:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

"I'm gonna geta back-hoe..."

..and uproot dat tree."

Say Yeaahhh.

"I feel like I have an idea about what we can do to keep the A's from beating us so much." Ron Washington

by hubcityraider on Apr 25, 2007 5:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

17 relatives

You guys who don't have 17- what are you, only children of parents who were also only children?

I have 17 first cousins on my dad's side alone, and another five on my mother's side, plus three others who have died.

Big families are awesome!

"Then I met some friends for a beer, went to a BoDeans's concert, and son of a vondruke, if I didn't leave him at the concert hall."

by RCCook on Apr 25, 2007 2:47 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Lucky bastard

I have 2 worthless step-cousins and one amazing sister...

Dreamcatchers work...if your dream is to be a douchebag...

by Brian Thomas on Apr 25, 2007 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I read somewhere....

That the 17 relatives Telfair supports are all flipper babies with bad eczema.

Last year he spent $1.5 million in skin ointment and those biting shark heads on a stick, (they use them to pick up their socks):

I hope you're happy with yourself, Adam.

by peteincaviglia on Apr 25, 2007 3:09 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Marbury once griped

that his relatives expected him to not only buy their houses and cars, but to cover taxes and insurance.

Assuming Telfair is doing the same with 17 relatives that could add up, especially when players only get about 50% of their pay after taxes, agent fees, etc.

by Taylor on Apr 25, 2007 3:26 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Heard that

Many times, and you don't have to be a double digit millionaire to have it come down.

Like, "You're blood, I'd do it for you".

I call those 'genetic guilt trips'.

Time does funny things. The worst of which is, it keeps moving when you don't.

by Ed Coffin on Apr 25, 2007 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Paging AND1 League

Bassy has the skills but not the character to be an NBA point guard. The dude's got no consistency to his offensive game, shows a studied disinterest in playing defense and has the floor leadership skills of a brick.

Two of those three things can be remedied if you work at them, but he's never done it. And let's keep in mind that he's spent all four NBA seasons on two of the worst teams in the modern era...it's not as if he hasn't had chances.

Now maybe he can go to that obnoxious AND1 streetball league. His temperment and game would be perfect in that league, but somehow I doubt there room on the coattails of an AND1 paycheck for you and 17 of your relatives.

by patrickindenton on Apr 25, 2007 4:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

regardless

his 17 relatives are not the concern of the celtics. now if i had an income of a few million bucks for a couple years i'd: 1) buy my momma and poppa a new house 2) buy my sister and her kids a new house 3) buy myself a house assuming that i'm getting paid in a state with no state income tax that's 1 plus. i'd buy those houses and my house in a state (like oklahoma) where there are no property taxes. that takes care of taxes on those houses. i'd do what i can to get them jobs in their new state of residence. after that it's up to them. any cousins, aunts or uncles are on their own. that's me taking care of mom, dad, my 17 year old brother, my sister and her 2 nephews. 6 relatives. that's all. i think $2 million would more than cover that, if the houses are decent houses for $200,000. then again...i may give them a one time gift of $25,000 each. but after that...it's over....unless i get guilted....maybe i'd need $10mill. lol

Al Gore 2008 http://www.myspace.com/igotsculture

by gossamer on Apr 25, 2007 4:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

maybe Latrell Sprewell was right afterall...

"I told you I needed to feed my family," Sprewell said at a press conference yesterday. "They offered me 3 years at $21 million. That's not going to cut it. And I'm not going to sit here and continue to give my children food while this front office takes money out of my pocket. If [owner Glen] Taylor wants to see my family fed, he better cough up some money. Otherwise, you're going to see these kids in one of those Sally Struthers commercials soon."

hilarious article - http://www.thebrushback.com/lsprewell_full.htm

"No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of."

by Walter Sobchak on Apr 25, 2007 4:47 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

This rant by Adam...

...just further articulates how badly the Rangers need to go on a serious win streak...Sebastian freakin' Telfair has become the lead news item of the day

"No, Donny, these men are nihilists, there's nothing to be afraid of."

by Walter Sobchak on Apr 25, 2007 4:48 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs