First off, “Series of Tubes” = LOL WUT.

Speaking of rookie home run rampages, how about Longoria? 15 bombs through his first 250 ML AB’s.

My, how Blalock has fallen. He’s now an “inferior” player? Ha ha ha.

Geoff (Ashburn, Va): Long-term in a 5×5 league: Hamilton, or Ellsbury?

Joe Sheehan: Ellsbury for the steals and the age. Close call.

suggesting we are “too close to first place” is laughable.

I’ve been mulling over who might be interested in Cruz. The A’s came to mind, but I don’t see that deal going down. I’d expect JD to ask for Cahill just to put a stop to the idea. I’ve been thinking KC could be a good fit in an exchange of interesting but disappointing (and maybe 4A) guys: Cruz for Jorge De La Rosa

Both made it through waivers earlier this year before posting really nice numbers in AAA.

dude (cal): (in the off-chance you follow the TX Rangers) Do you envisage Saltalamacchiawicz start hitting like he was supposed to now that he’s playing every day?

Steven Goldman: I follow everyone, Dude (do you abide?). Salty will hit, I think, but his glove has been the thing holding him back. He hasn’t been throwing out runners or blocking the plate real well. If his bat is what it should be, teams will be willing to overlook it, but when you’re competing with a good glove like Laird, who was also hitting a bit when he got hurt, the temptation will always be to make like Lou Costello and shout, FIRST BASE!!!

joelefkowitz (boonton, nj): i for one think the reds are the overwhelmingly CLEAR winners in the volquez/hamilton trade. first off, both teams needed pitching more than hitting, so the team getting the pitcher is already up. second, the reds had bruce to replace hamilton.. where’s volquez v2.0 in texas? mostly though, it seems like hamilton is having an mvp year, but only an average year relative to other mvps. volquez’s dominance this year – if this pace is kept up – is seemingly legendary.

Steven Goldman: Finally turned in that column, so I’m all yours now—and I can finally get some music going. Writing in two windows plus humming a tune is more than my small brain can process at once… Here’s an interesting question for you: the Rangers suck at developing pitching. Are historically bad at it. After Kevin Brown (who had to get away from them to get really good) and Kenny Rogers, there’s really no one, and they were well on their way to ruining Volquez. Say they recognize that they are incapable of developing him. Therefore, he was zero value TO THEM. His value to the Reds is irrelevant. In this sense, the Rangers win the trade, because they gave up something of no utility and got an MVP candidate. See what I’m saying?

Justin Zeth (Altoona, PA): There’s something about that park in Texas (or maybe any park down there, I don’t know) that makes it impossible to pitch. I don’t know WHAT… but there’s SOMETHING. Too many pitchers have joined the Rangers and immediately imploded and/or left the Rangers and immediately became good pitchers.

Steven Goldman: But it was true in the old park, too. Despite having some very promising hurlers over the years, they just never work out. The DVD thing, with Danks and Volquez pitching well elsewhere and Diamond still around but hurt, underscores that.

Ira (North Texas): The old park was just fine to pitch in. Plenty of pitchers were fine there. Ryan, Fergie Jenkins, Gaylor Perry, Ron Darling, Kevin Brown, Kenny Rogers, Charlie Hough, and many others. The new park opened in 1995.

Steven Goldman: Yeah, but they didn’t bake any of those guys. They came in as vets (and Ron Darling left as a minor leaguer). Kevin Brown and Kenny Rogers are the only homegrown pitchers of significance in team history. Heck, I’m still waiting for Ed Correa’s comeback.

joelefkowitz (boonton, nj): still think the rangers are the organizational losers though, since the cost of getting a coaching staff that could’ve figured out volquez couldn’t possibly have cost as much as it will to get him back now that he is gone. plus, i’d really like to hear some qualifications to the “rangers were on their way to ruining volquez,” claim. thanks for chatting by the way. (don’t want to sound like that prick that posted earlier simply because i disagree with you in this one regard)

Steven Goldman: Joel, we’re all about disagreeing here. I mean, if you can’t listen to with an open mind to opposing points of view, you can’t learn. An untested viewpoint isn’t really worth anything. If these chats were just one-sided, I wouldn’t look forward to doing them as much as I do… The Rangers had jerked Volquez around a lot, and there were some leaks last year about his having a bad attitude. That’s what I meant by “ruining.” As for the coaching staff, you’re right, but somehow despite many owners, GMs, managers, pitching coaches, they haven’t been able to do it. If you trade your hypothetical for someone else’s certainty, maybe that’s not a bad thing. I’m playing devil’s advocate here more than anything else.

Jim (Clinton, IA): Any news on Smoak/Rangers negotiations? I thought he was supposed to sign quickly. Will I see him in a LumberKing uniform soon?

SportsNation Keith Law: I don’t think he was expected to sign quickly – he slid out of the top 10 on bonus demands.

Albert (Vernon, TX): With the Rangers calling up Chris Davis from AAA, what should we expect out of him? What do you think his future is?

SportsNation Keith Law: Middle of the order bat, 40 HR potential, some swing and miss there, will probably whiff quite a bit the rest of the way in the majors.

Andrew (Chicago): Keith – You say Volquez wouldnt be performing like this in Texas. Is this due to the arm slot change, the ballparks or coaching staffs?

SportsNation Keith Law: Level of competition and ballpark. The AL is still light-years ahead of the NL.

Coach Chris Walker: Volquez for Hamilton. Does either team ask for a do-over?

SportsNation Keith Law: No way – I think the Reds have to be thrilled to have a young pitcher who can pitch in their environment and isn’t on a surgeon’s table, and Texas has one of the best players in the game, plus I doubt Volquez would be performing like this in Texas. Win/win.

Jon Danials: The AL is far superior and smater, too. Why have the pitcher hit?...How high would Neftali Feliz rank in your top 100 now?

SportsNation Keith Law: Somewhere in the 50-75 range. Great arm, but he’s still a ways off. I don’t think I had many low-A pitchers in my top 50, and those who were there were probably 2007 draftees.

PLEASE ANSWER MY QUESTION, too: would julio borbon make your top 100 list?

SportsNation Keith Law: Not yet, no.

Ben in Dallas: Do tou have any iformation about the Rangers picks Robbie Ross, Martinez, or Armstrong? Bonus demands etc would be helpful.

SportsNation Keith Law: Ross told me directly he was asking for $1.575 million, which is probably 50% over what I think he’s worth. Martinez was allegedly looking for $1MM. No idea on Armstrong, whom I didn’t like as a prospect at all.

MelanieP: How about answering a mom’s question? My son loves Jarred Saltalamacchia, how good can he be for the rangers?

SportsNation Keith Law: He’s going to run into a positional squeeze, but he’s a potential middle-of-the-order bat for someone.

I didn’t get it until today.

In yesterday’s column, I wrote something pretty dumb:

Every year, someone can hit 74 homers, or drive in 192 runs, or pop 263 hits, because those feats are all under a player’s control, a function of playing time and performance.

Two out of three ain’t bad? With apologies to Meat Loaf, yeah, it is. Driving in 192 runs is just as dependent on opportunities as saves are. Hits, home runs, and most counting stats are individual. On the other hand, RBI are all about performance and context, requiring teammates to help you out as well.

This is annoying to me because the first sabermetric concept I ever really grasped, way back in the 1980s, was the idea that RBI weren’t a measure of skill so much as the intersection of slugging average and lineup position. To make the above mistake is like a medical resident mistaking the heart for the spleen, and not noticing until there was a persistent, annoying high-pitched tone in the room and an oddly still spleen under his scalpel.

make me want to stop wanting him here?

Barry Zito money is what it’s going to take to bring in an ace via free agency. Are you saying you would never advocate paying that sort of money for a pitcher? Cause if not we better start putting some huge dollars into the draft and LA, cause we’re never gonna lure an ace here if Zito money for Sabathia makes you all weak in the loins.

this is one of my favorite Daily Show segments of all time:

John Hodgman explains the Net Neutrality Act and distinguishes between a dump truck and a series of tubes.

Damn it, does anyone know how to embed videos into comments? I still haven’t figure it out…