Ode to Rich Harden
"Harden, o Harden
Yes, it is you, Rich Harden freshly signed Texas Rangers that I implore
o mighty stiffener, 'tis ace I see yonder?
The staff has never been this hard
tRA and FIP cannot overstate what will be a Hardened (mill)wood
#40 on your back #1 on the mound
Do you kickbox Harden, o Harden?
o Harden you astound
o Harden with your captivating array of pitches and eyes that twinkle
What does a kid from Canada want with making us love him?
The heat you will experience in Texas summers rival only what we've felt the last few wintery days
An ace on a team full of clubs
A strikeout rate so dreamy
A contract fair and just, a gift wrapped from the Cubs
You be the prince on a payroll for paupers
You're a dreamboat on the murky MRI seas
Fragile be your arm but deafening is your quickened pace
Your crooked smile melts the hearts of men and and women alike
o Harden, you're as winsome as you are an ace
Harden, o Harden
For adding insult to your injuries to the Mariners I chuckle
Firm is your touch your walk rate will attest
200 innings they say, that's for a man without a spluckle
Take the hill and give us seven
Impressive is your Ks per 9
10 long years, a return to heaven
Your MPH are lofty but not as great as your heartbeats skipped per hour
All we ask is 170 innings and that winning smile
And if you'd like, take the ball in October and stay awhile
Harden, o Harden"
Welcome to the Texas Rangers, Rich Harden.