Breaking News -- Tom Hicks to sell the Rangers to Lenny Dykstra

by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 12:00 PM CDT Comment 52 comments

An LSB exclusive -- Tom Hicks will be selling the Texas Rangers to surprise bidder Lenny Dykstra.

Hicks reportedly was impressed with Dykstra's claims of having lots of "cheddar." Hicks also had read that "Dykstra has all the money," and obviously, if Hicks needs money and Dykstra has all the money, then Hicks would only be able to sell the club to Dykstra, since no one else has any money, leading to a deal being closed much more quickly.

Dykstra reportedly will be flying to Arlington to finalize the deal on a private plane, as soon as he can find someone to let him borrow a credit card to pay for the jet fuel with.

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Cool

Now lots more people will obsess about the Rangers

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:03 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Nice one.

And it’s not even April 1st!

by northtexan95 on Jul 2, 2009 12:04 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

It was 90 days ago

So it is 1/4 of the way to the next one

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That would be funny if

I didn’t have visions of Hicks borrowing a credit card to pay for lunch.

G G G E-flat_______ F F F D__________....

by t ball on Jul 2, 2009 12:08 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

That really scared me.

by Lum on Jul 2, 2009 12:10 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

funny

so when is Hicks actually going to sell the team?

by rangersfan32 on Jul 2, 2009 12:12 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Got the cash?

Because if you do, he will sell it to you today. Can get the loans? Cause if you can, he will start the process of selling it to you today. No joke.

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I wonder what the reaction would be...

…if I walked into a bank and said I wanted a $500 million dollar loan.

by GhettoBear04 on Jul 2, 2009 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Here's the papers

fill them out. And if you qualify, you my friend may soon be the next owner of the Texas Rangers.

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:26 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

In the good ol' days of the Texas oil boom you might have been able to get that unsecured

Sadly, though, things aren’t quite as fun in 2009.

"wORLD sEIRES HERE WE COMER!!!!!!!!!"by bigsteve on May 29, 2009 10:21 PM PDT
"Elvis Andrus has just performed a miracle." -Eric Nadel

by WestTxAg06 on Jul 2, 2009 12:29 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

i had a homeless guy came in one time

and ask to borrow $10mln. he had a plan to put hyrdo-electric turbines around the coast of texas that would take advantage of the tides to create energy. which sounds well and good… however in the middle of his business plan “presentation” he also told me he thinks texas stadium is a visiting site for aliens and that the hole in the roof was for sucking out souls. he also mentioned that he sometimes talks to dead peope especially tom landry. he was carrying around a “model” of the turbines he wanted to build, made of popsicle sticks and yarn. when i asked about his back ground, he was proud that he had graduated 10th grade 20 years ago “or so”. when i asked if he knew the best place to put the turbines on the coast, he drew a rough sketch of texas and placed the turbines all around the southern tip. and by all around i mean on both sides, including well into where mexico is…

i told him that i didn’t think i could get it done. it was a lot, and he obviously didn’t appear to have credit or collateral. but if someone could it was “my friend” over at another one of our branches a couple blocks away…

"Anyone that isn't pro-choice never met you" ~Brian Thomas on Seth...

by ivysafety39 on Jul 2, 2009 12:35 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That sounds like...

…it could have been a relative of mine.

by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

benmor?

It is a great thing to know the season for speech and the season for silence.
--Seneca

by bioaggie on Jul 2, 2009 1:05 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

No

This was Ben.

by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 1:20 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Ah, love the comments.

AY BRUH YALL DUMB BUT I STILL LOVE YALL MAN YALL DUMB CRACKS YALL ALWAY TALK S**T ON A BLACKS PERSONS BEHALF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WHITE PERSON DO SOMETHING YALL DONT DO ANYTHING …LOVE YA TEDDY B…I WISH I WAS THERE I WOULD OF BEEN ROLLIN MY A** DA F**K OFF…YALL WAS STR8 CLOWNIN DATS HOW WE GETTS DOWN…OBMAMA OBMAMA CHANGE… BIG SIS

"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem

by Chase Irwin on Jul 2, 2009 2:07 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Hey Lenny,

can i borrow $100,000

mormons stole me and held me against my will with Oklahoma beer and 12+ hour work days.

by Jayslick on Jul 2, 2009 12:23 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Heh

General surgeons are not intimidated by professional athletes.

"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem

by Chase Irwin on Jul 2, 2009 12:29 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Was waiting...

for the awesomeness.

Rivalries aside, RIP Nick Adenhart 04/09/2009.

"if daniels was fired today, he would almost be sure to get another shot somewhere else as a GM

i dont know if you can say the same thing abotu RW" - knockoutking

by hillcrest on Jul 2, 2009 12:31 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

-1

usa

by Longhorn on Jul 2, 2009 12:33 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Why?

by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 1:42 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Why ask why

drink Bud Dry.

Get off the bandwagon, put down the anvil.

by Escher on Jul 2, 2009 1:51 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That was good beer.

by Athos on Jul 2, 2009 3:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

how was it different?

"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"

by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Less wet.

I have a hard time comprehending that, though.

613photo

by Black Francis on Jul 2, 2009 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

hah.

"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"

by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 6:25 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

How many people

will think this is a serious report?

Where is Mick Kelleher when we need him?

by 3744nsheffield on Jul 2, 2009 12:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

No one that has posted yet

If my math skills are still active this morning, that makes it 0%

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Call 911

I almost had a freakin’ heart attack… that would make a baker’s dozen, Bob!

by plateminder on Jul 2, 2009 12:35 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Maybe he should sell to Chedda?

Because Chedda has a lot of Cheddar.

My Music Blog

by FuturePants on Jul 2, 2009 12:35 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

THAT is great

what site is that?

"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"

by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 4:55 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Anyone heard any updates on the Dykstra saga?

by jcAustin on Jul 2, 2009 12:39 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

From the news today

Lenny Dykstra’s Brother Seeks Stake in Car Wash
By CHLOEE GREAVES
ShareThis
     VENTURA, Calif. (CN) – Former professional baseball player Lenny “Nails” Dykstra refused to pay his brother a 10 percent stake in car wash partnerships that the outfielder sold for more than $50 million, Kevin Dykstra claims in Superior Court.
     Lenny allegedly convinced Kevin to give up a career as a major league umpire to manage three California-based car wash partnerships in exchange for a share of Lenny’s 75 percent interest in the stores.
     In April 2004, “Nails” was slapped with a dissolution suit filed by a partner he had booted from the lucrative car wash business one year earlier, his brother claims.
     Kevin says Lenny forced him to destroy financial records, testify that he did not hold a 10 percent interest in the business and use his “connections with the police department” to harass the partner so that Lenny could successfully defend himself against the accusations.
     After the arbitrator found for the former ballplayer, Lenny fired his brother and sold the car wash partnerships, the lawsuit states.
     Lenny allegedly claimed that Kevin had no interest in the business based on his brother’s testimony under oath, which was a lie.
     Kevin says he has not received “one penny” from the multimillion-dollar sales. He demands actual and punitive damages. His attorney is Zev Brooks in Fountain Valley, Calif.

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Couldn't get the Link to work

http://www.courthousenews.com/2009/07/02/Lenny_Dykstra_s_Brother_Seeks_Stake_in_Car_Wash.htm

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:47 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

That is too funny.

If I understand that exchange correctly, he is now blackmailing his brother with perjury?

"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem

by Chase Irwin on Jul 2, 2009 12:54 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

wow

thats twisted

by ScratchHorn on Jul 2, 2009 2:35 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

How could 3 car wash joints be worth 50 million in the first place?

Free BJs during the car wash?

"BIg whoop, wanna fight about it?"

by lost in space on Jul 2, 2009 3:00 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I take it is the land prices

but it also says 3 car wash partnerships, not 3 car washes, so there are probably a lot more than 3 locations.

Just my best guess, but I am no Lenny so it’s probably wrong

by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 5:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

I can see the Rangers being delayed

on road trips while Lenny trys to borrow a credit card for the jet.

"I saw a soldier try to dig a foxhole with his bare hands. He didn't notice that he'd torn off all his fingernails. I got him out of there quickly; not for his sake, but for ours. Fear is poison in combat...destructive, contagious." - Band of Brothers

by DJCahill on Jul 2, 2009 12:41 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Or when

he would release players claiming they stole from him.

by Michael Cave on Jul 2, 2009 12:43 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

UPDATE

Rumor is that Dykstra is pairing up with Martellus Bennett for the deal in hopes that Marty B will bring some of his iPhone money to the table. Bennett, however, is insistent that the transaction will not include his Jerry Jone money.

Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.

by TheJeezus on Jul 2, 2009 12:49 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs

Funny

by Anonymous New Guy on Jul 2, 2009 1:31 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

who knew

guess that’s where my money went after my paycut

Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan was on the same pitching staff with Danny Darwin during the 1986 through 1988 seasons. Both were described by Milo Hamilton as "tall, tough Texans." It was a source of debate amongst Astros players and fans over who would win in a fight, Ryan or Darwin. Though Astros pitcher Bob Knepper attempted to set up a fight between the two during spring training in 1988, manager Hal Lanier stopped it before it could commence. Many experts, including Astros shortstop Rafael Ramirez, felt that Darwin would win because he "looked like someone no man would want to mess with."

by gossamer on Jul 2, 2009 1:34 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs