Breaking News -- Tom Hicks to sell the Rangers to Lenny Dykstra
by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 12:00 PM CDT
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PrintAn LSB exclusive -- Tom Hicks will be selling the Texas Rangers to surprise bidder Lenny Dykstra.
Hicks reportedly was impressed with Dykstra's claims of having lots of "cheddar." Hicks also had read that "Dykstra has all the money," and obviously, if Hicks needs money and Dykstra has all the money, then Hicks would only be able to sell the club to Dykstra, since no one else has any money, leading to a deal being closed much more quickly.
Dykstra reportedly will be flying to Arlington to finalize the deal on a private plane, as soon as he can find someone to let him borrow a credit card to pay for the jet fuel with.
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It was 90 days ago
So it is 1/4 of the way to the next one
by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:05 PM CDT up reply actions
That would be funny if
I didn’t have visions of Hicks borrowing a credit card to pay for lunch.
G G G E-flat_______ F F F D__________....
funny
so when is Hicks actually going to sell the team?
Got the cash?
Because if you do, he will sell it to you today. Can get the loans? Cause if you can, he will start the process of selling it to you today. No joke.
by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:15 PM CDT up reply actions
I wonder what the reaction would be...
…if I walked into a bank and said I wanted a $500 million dollar loan.
by GhettoBear04 on Jul 2, 2009 12:20 PM CDT up reply actions
Here's the papers
fill them out. And if you qualify, you my friend may soon be the next owner of the Texas Rangers.
by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:26 PM CDT up reply actions
In the good ol' days of the Texas oil boom you might have been able to get that unsecured
Sadly, though, things aren’t quite as fun in 2009.
"wORLD sEIRES HERE WE COMER!!!!!!!!!"by bigsteve on May 29, 2009 10:21 PM PDT
"Elvis Andrus has just performed a miracle." -Eric Nadel
i had a homeless guy came in one time
and ask to borrow $10mln. he had a plan to put hyrdo-electric turbines around the coast of texas that would take advantage of the tides to create energy. which sounds well and good… however in the middle of his business plan “presentation” he also told me he thinks texas stadium is a visiting site for aliens and that the hole in the roof was for sucking out souls. he also mentioned that he sometimes talks to dead peope especially tom landry. he was carrying around a “model” of the turbines he wanted to build, made of popsicle sticks and yarn. when i asked about his back ground, he was proud that he had graduated 10th grade 20 years ago “or so”. when i asked if he knew the best place to put the turbines on the coast, he drew a rough sketch of texas and placed the turbines all around the southern tip. and by all around i mean on both sides, including well into where mexico is…
i told him that i didn’t think i could get it done. it was a lot, and he obviously didn’t appear to have credit or collateral. but if someone could it was “my friend” over at another one of our branches a couple blocks away…
"Anyone that isn't pro-choice never met you" ~Brian Thomas on Seth...
That sounds like...
…it could have been a relative of mine.
by Adam J. Morris on Jul 2, 2009 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions
Ah, love the comments.
AY BRUH YALL DUMB BUT I STILL LOVE YALL MAN YALL DUMB CRACKS YALL ALWAY TALK S**T ON A BLACKS PERSONS BEHALF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A WHITE PERSON DO SOMETHING YALL DONT DO ANYTHING …LOVE YA TEDDY B…I WISH I WAS THERE I WOULD OF BEEN ROLLIN MY A** DA F**K OFF…YALL WAS STR8 CLOWNIN DATS HOW WE GETTS DOWN…OBMAMA OBMAMA CHANGE… BIG SIS
"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem
by inactive lsb user on Jul 2, 2009 2:07 PM CDT up reply actions
Hey Lenny,
can i borrow $100,000
mormons stole me and held me against my will with Oklahoma beer and 12+ hour work days.
Heh
General surgeons are not intimidated by professional athletes.
"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem
by inactive lsb user on Jul 2, 2009 12:29 PM CDT reply actions
Was waiting...
for the awesomeness.
Rivalries aside, RIP Nick Adenhart 04/09/2009.
"if daniels was fired today, he would almost be sure to get another shot somewhere else as a GM
i dont know if you can say the same thing abotu RW" - knockoutking
how was it different?
"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"
by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 4:54 PM CDT up reply actions
Less wet.
I have a hard time comprehending that, though.
by Black Francis on Jul 2, 2009 5:08 PM CDT up reply actions
hah.
"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"
by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 6:25 PM CDT up reply actions
How many people
will think this is a serious report?
Where is Mick Kelleher when we need him?
No one that has posted yet
If my math skills are still active this morning, that makes it 0%
by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:38 PM CDT up reply actions
THAT is great
what site is that?
"Hang-Dai, Wu...Hang-Fu$&ing-Dai"
by Walter Sobchak on Jul 2, 2009 4:55 PM CDT up reply actions
From the news today
Lenny Dykstra’s Brother Seeks Stake in Car Wash
By CHLOEE GREAVES
ShareThis
VENTURA, Calif. (CN) – Former professional baseball player Lenny “Nails” Dykstra refused to pay his brother a 10 percent stake in car wash partnerships that the outfielder sold for more than $50 million, Kevin Dykstra claims in Superior Court.
Lenny allegedly convinced Kevin to give up a career as a major league umpire to manage three California-based car wash partnerships in exchange for a share of Lenny’s 75 percent interest in the stores.
In April 2004, “Nails” was slapped with a dissolution suit filed by a partner he had booted from the lucrative car wash business one year earlier, his brother claims.
Kevin says Lenny forced him to destroy financial records, testify that he did not hold a 10 percent interest in the business and use his “connections with the police department” to harass the partner so that Lenny could successfully defend himself against the accusations.
After the arbitrator found for the former ballplayer, Lenny fired his brother and sold the car wash partnerships, the lawsuit states.
Lenny allegedly claimed that Kevin had no interest in the business based on his brother’s testimony under oath, which was a lie.
Kevin says he has not received “one penny” from the multimillion-dollar sales. He demands actual and punitive damages. His attorney is Zev Brooks in Fountain Valley, Calif.
by Mark from OC on Jul 2, 2009 12:46 PM CDT up reply actions
That is too funny.
If I understand that exchange correctly, he is now blackmailing his brother with perjury?
"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem
by inactive lsb user on Jul 2, 2009 12:54 PM CDT up reply actions
How could 3 car wash joints be worth 50 million in the first place?
Free BJs during the car wash?
"BIg whoop, wanna fight about it?"
by lost in space on Jul 2, 2009 3:00 PM CDT up reply actions
I take it is the land prices
but it also says 3 car wash partnerships, not 3 car washes, so there are probably a lot more than 3 locations.
Just my best guess, but I am no Lenny so it’s probably wrong
I can see the Rangers being delayed
on road trips while Lenny trys to borrow a credit card for the jet.
"I saw a soldier try to dig a foxhole with his bare hands. He didn't notice that he'd torn off all his fingernails. I got him out of there quickly; not for his sake, but for ours. Fear is poison in combat...destructive, contagious." - Band of Brothers
Or when
he would release players claiming they stole from him.
by Michael Cave on Jul 2, 2009 12:43 PM CDT up reply actions
UPDATE
Rumor is that Dykstra is pairing up with Martellus Bennett for the deal in hopes that Marty B will bring some of his iPhone money to the table. Bennett, however, is insistent that the transaction will not include his Jerry Jone money.
Purgatory's kind of like the in-betweeny one. You weren't really shit, but you weren't all that great either. Like Tottenham.
by TheJeezus on Jul 2, 2009 12:49 PM CDT reply actions 3 recs
who knew
guess that’s where my money went after my paycut
Hall of Fame pitcher Nolan Ryan was on the same pitching staff with Danny Darwin during the 1986 through 1988 seasons. Both were described by Milo Hamilton as "tall, tough Texans." It was a source of debate amongst Astros players and fans over who would win in a fight, Ryan or Darwin. Though Astros pitcher Bob Knepper attempted to set up a fight between the two during spring training in 1988, manager Hal Lanier stopped it before it could commence. Many experts, including Astros shortstop Rafael Ramirez, felt that Darwin would win because he "looked like someone no man would want to mess with."
I didn't expect Dykstra to be out-douched in the article
but sure enough
Like I told him, if I can cut somebody from the neck all the way down to the pubis with a scalpel, then I cannot be intimidated.
The irony that no one has ever noticed here,
is that as stupid and ridiculous as Lenny is, he has conned a Nigerian out of his money.
by bhudson on Jul 2, 2009 2:48 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
x
"We're One Nation Under a Groove"
- Ayjayem
by inactive lsb user on Jul 2, 2009 3:21 PM CDT up reply actions
Nah, I thought this was better
I really went “ohhhh shit” for a minute there. The first one was more painfully obvious, but this one was almost actually believable.
Get on base or die, Salty.
"I don’t think we ever envisioned that anyone could shut this offense down to one hit" - Ron Washington
by LSJ on Jul 2, 2009 8:36 PM CDT up reply actions
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