Says Holland, “The joke around here was, ‘Oh, he’s on HGH.’” He adds, “But I just credit it all to my trainers. They helped with my workouts. It was about gaining weight. [That year] I put on 15, 20 pounds, and that made all the difference in the world.”

Plus, I didn’t realize that the Rangers hadn’t signed a major league free agent in a year and a half.

“I feel like we’re capable of making the playoffs,” says Rangers third baseman Michael Young. If they do [don’t], no player will have been more responsible than Young, a six-time All-Star who is having [impersonating] an MVP-caliber season. Young is batting .328 with 22 home runs and [a measly] 66 RBIs [due to a 3-month-long choke-fest], and has played remarkable [over-rated] defense after being [hysterically and grudgingly] shifted to third to make way for top prospect [and the real team MVP] Elvis Andrus in spring training.