This idea arose last night on the "five recent searches" thread. LSB poster coolaid mentioned the show "Archers" on FX and described it with the phrase "idiotic characters and out of control banter." That sounded like a perfect description of LSB to me, so my mind started wandering to the idea of "Lone Star Ball: the Movie."
There is no way I could build the entire cast myself, especially when some of you are more creative than I am, so I'll start with a few cast members, solicit suggestions in the comments for others, and then edit this post (or start a new one) to display the final cast, complete with character descriptions.
Matthew McConaughey as Adam J. Morris - crusading lawyer always willing to do what he believes is right, even if it's not the popular move. Like incessantly hammering the franchise for signing fan favorite Sammy Sosa and playing him every day. Plus, AJM and Matt are both Longhorns.
Zach Galifianakis as Benjamin "benmor78" Morris- though I have never met Ben, this seems perfect.
Marlon Brando as Jamey "The" Newberg - you don't question The Newberg just as you don't question The Don. The Newberg is the most powerful man alive. He orders Chuck Greenberg to appear at his party, and Chuck says, "yes sir, Mr. Newberg." He appears on the video board at Rangers Ballpark because he told the club he would be appearing and no one was dumb enough to tell him no. The one man who was foolish enough to cross The Newberg was young, enterprising blogger Finnerty.Fan. That body has never been found, but I expect one day it will wash up in the Trinity River.
Robert Duvall as Scott "lucas" Lucas - every Don needs his consigliere and Scott Lucas is The Newberg's consigliere. He reports on each day's minor league action, research detailed statistical minutiae for the Newberg Family, and when someone challenges the authority of The Newberg, he orders his consigliere to make the problem disappear.
Benny Hill as Josey Wales - our unflappable comic foil, never slowing down his zany comic hijinks.
Jim Parsons as lonestarJon - LSJ exhibits several of the qualities found in Parsons' Dr. Sheldon Cooper (CBS' Big Bang Theory). He's smarter than everyone in the rom, and if you don't believe me, just ask him. They both love video games and the interwebs. Sheldon hates the outdoors, and judging by LSJ's post count he must hate the outdoors too. Sheldon and Parsons are both from Texas, LSJ has the state's nickname in his handle.
Adam J. Morris' love interest - isn't this obvious?
And introducing thedirkatron, as himself - who else could capture the essence of a wife-beater laden internet madman looking for babies to punt and thinking of various and unspeakable acts to commit against the homeless and working poor?