Nick Fury has really let himself go. - USA Today Sports
Cleveland, Cincinnati and Arizona have three-way, Rangers left holding the camera
So, in our last episode of As LSB Turns, we learned that Arizona was never going to trade us Justin Upton because they think crappy shortstops are the new market inefficiency, leading to widespread despair centered on the realization that our top two offseason targets appeared to have slipped from our grasp. Casting about for hope in the darkness, it seemed that all that was left for the 2013 Rangers was the Hamilton-Dickey booby prize, which is like receiving hand-me-down clothes for Christmas from an older, crappier version of yourself. Ben Rogers says stop worrying, you silly goose, because Jon Daniels has an offseason plan that is similar to Nixon's secret plan to end the Vietnam War, in that you don't know what it is and it may or may not exist. Help us, Jon Daniels, you're our only hope!
Well, we do know that if, Lord help us, moving Ian Kinsler to first base is what it takes to bring home a championship, Kinsler is on board. So, that's... good? Also, says Andro, Kinsler was plagued by ankle gremlins in 2012, and his ankle is now at 100% just in time for holiday movie season.
T.R. Sullivan also tells us about Kinsler, going into more detail about the ankle issue. He hurt it in 2010 Spring Training and it's been bothering him ever since, though it was worse in 2012. The issue seemed to go away around the All Star break, maybe because God decided to stop punishing Ian Kinsler for Josh Hamilton's chewing tobacco problem. Also, Kinsler thinks the team needs to play with more emotion in 2013 and that he can be a leader in that regard, I guess by jawboning at umpires until he's thrown out and showing Profar and Olt the best way to throw down a bat in disgust.
Sullivan also says that Derek Holland sought out Nolan Ryan around Thanksgiving. They talked about location, command, and consistency, and Derek says that he wants to duplicate the kind of sustained success that Matt Harrison has had. I have to agree with Holland, that would be pretty awesome.
Gerry Fraley tells us that Philadelphia acquiring Young in trade has made them more likely to pursue Josh Hamilton, noting that the $6 million they will owe to Michael Young is considerably less than they would ordinarily have to pay for a frontline third baseman. If they do eventually find a frontline third baseman they will, indeed, probably have to pay him more than $6 million, and, in the meantime, best of luck to them with Michael Young.
Fraley also says that Grienke briefly told someone that the Rangers had "a wonderful personality" during the Winter Meetings, and that in our next free agent negotations we hope to be described as having a "very pretty face."
Richard Durrett quotes Mike Modano playing Marley to Michael Young's Scrooge, though probably that was unintentional. "It is better to burn out than fade awaaaaayyyyyyyy..." intoned a spectral Mike Modano, who also warned Young that he would soon be visited by Dan Szymborski, the Ghost of OPS Future. "ZZZZIIIIIPPPPPPSSS..." moaned Modano, "age-related decline consumes us all...."
Durrett also says that Ron Washington would love to have Josh Hamilton back next season.
Finally, because you all have been in such a covetous mood lately, here's an article on how many fish Gollum would have to eat every day to stay alive in his cave in the Misty Mountains. The answer? Quite a bit, at 1 to 5 pounds of fish daily, depending on how much and how frequently you think he steals food from the goblins.