Forever Most Powerful Mascot: Ballapeno

1. SI.com (But it's really Fangraphs): (Rangers rank) 1st - It's got the prestige of Sports Illustrated combined with the knowledge of Fangraphs. And the Rangers ranked No. 1. This is the height of Power Rankingsing in franchise history.

2. ESPN: 1st - The granddaddy of all Power Rankings has the Rangers in first and a blurb written by Joey Matches. The only thing keeping them out of the top spot is Barry Larkin ranking the Rangers behind the Yankees in his personal ballot. Keep hatin', Barry.

3. MLB.com: 1st - Listen to this star-studded list of folks who make this Ranking so Powerful: Larry Dierker, Mitch Williams, Frank Thomas, Peter Gammons, Carlton Thompson, Jim Duquette, Mike Bauman, Hal Bodley, Anthony Castrovince, Richard Justice, Matthew Leach and Jesse Sanchez. That's a proverbial who's who of Power Ranking luminaries collectively liking the heat coming off the Texas Rangers more than that of other teams.

4. SB Nation The Week In Worst: NR - This is only a ranking of the worst things to happen in baseball last week but it includes Jeff Sullivan so it is pretty powerful.

5. USA TODAY: 1st - Look, I'm not going to say that no one reads or cares about USA TODAY, but that's probably only because they rank the Rangers first at the moment.

6. CBS Sports: Elvis and Yu! - CBS Sports is too cool (I'd party with Danny Knobler) for traditional Power Rankings. Instead, they have a players 25 and under ranking. The Rangers are represented in both the Batters and Pitchers categories.

7. Bleacher Report: Who is Mike Adamle? - I couldn't find the latest Power Rankings on Bleacher Report's website because Bleacher Report's website is a cyber abortion. Instead, here's a ranking of The Top Authority Figures in WWE RAW history!! Where's Jonathan Coachman at, though?

8. SI.com Power Ranking From Sept. 2003: 21st - Holy crap. The Expos!

9. Yahoo! Sports: 4th - You can't relay the brute strength of a team effectively if you don't update your column, Tim Brown. The Dodgers haven't been very good since June 14. What a gross misrepresentation of the meaning and design of Power Rankings in this lax ranking.

10. MLive.com: 1st - I don't know what MLive is. Is this a Michigan news outlet? Why does Michigan get its own Power Rankings? I don't know what your game is, James Schmehl. Still, I do respect the boldness of this Power Ranking secession movement.

11. Fox Sports: 2nd - The Yankees in first? The Angels as "Biggest Movers"?! Well there goes my erection.

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