This is not too long, so read it right now.

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What is a team?

A team is something people form when they can’t do something on their own. For example, I formed a team to mow my lawn and trim my bushes. Mowing my lawn was just too much work to do by myself and plus; it’s really fucking hot outside. So, I went out and formed a kick ass team to help me take care of my yard.

Captain

Most teams have captains and I guess you could say I am the captain of the team. I order all of my other teammates around and watch them do all of the work. Heck, most days I don’t even have to lift a finger and you want to know the best part? I get all the damn credit! When Ron (my neighbor) walks by and says,

“Hey, iorange555! Your yard is looking nice. You must really work hard to keep the grass that green, especially in this drought we're having. Speaking of the weather, did you hear that storm roll through last night? It sure was a doozy. My dogs jumped on my bed and wouldn’t let me go back to sleep, so I decided to just get up and get some laundry done. Hey, speaking of laundry, what kind of detergent do you use? I use Tide, but I feel like I need a change in my life…”

At this point I have to cut him off and tell him that, “I’d love to stay in chat, but I was just on my way to visit my grandma in the hospital.” Little does he know my grandma has been dead for years now. You can always count on grandma to “take one for the team.”

How do you know when you have a team?

Sometimes it gets a bit tricky to know when you “officially” have a team, but don’t worry! There is one sure-fire way to find out if your team is official; towel slapping. Just bring your team into the bathroom and slap their butt-cheeks with a towel.

If they turn around and try to kill you -- not a team.

If they turn around and laugh -- official team.

If they bend over and tell you to “do it harder" -- they already play on a different team.

Conclusion


Never talk to your neighbors.