Wednesday Morning Links

Not pictured: Kevin Towers' boob. - USA TODAY Sports

We need to sign somebody. Kyle McClellan is somebody. Let's sign Kyle McClellan.

There was a scene in the Wes Anderson movie Bottle Rocket where Dignan (Owen Wilson) is fired from the Lawn Wrangers, a landscaping company that is a front for a burglary team. Explains Dignan, "Best job I ever had, working my way up, meeting people, listening to stories. One day he walks over and says 'Dignan, you're out' just like that. By the way, man, he was right. Just cause it's a front doesn't mean somebody doesn't have to do the actual landscaping."

Just because the Rangers are a contending baseball team doesn't mean somebody doesn't have to do the actual landscaping.

So we signed a replacement level player yesterday. Kyle McClellan is so replacement level playerish that Jeff Wilson sees the silver lining of his signing: at least he doesn't cost us our first round pick. T.R. Sullivan says the front office plans for McClellan are for him to basically be John Wasdin. Evan Grant notes that McClellan is only 28 years old.

Gil Lebreton weighs in on the Justin Upton saga, saying that perhaps the Seattle trade offer was kabuki and that Arizona is crazy if they don't accept Mike Olt and Martin Perez for Upton. Me, I'm tired of hearing about this. I make a half-hearted grab at a girl's boob, she swats me away? My hand is not a ticking time bomb and her boob is not McGruber. Get your hand away from Kevin Towers' boob, Jon Daniels!

If you're the type that prefers administrative proceedings because "docket call and trial notebooks angry up the blood," you're in luck because three Rangers filed for salary arbitration.

In a post promoting a fundraiser for the Carson Leslie Foundation, we learn that Carson Leslie once got a phone call from Erin Andrews after throwing a baseball at her on which he had written his name, phone number, and "CALL ME." Why the brick I threw through her window on which I had laboriously written my 75,000 word luddite manifesto has not merited a response, I guess we'll never know. Unless one of you wins the charity auction for dinner with Erin Andrews and invites me along.

Richard Durett has a post in which he quotes a text from Robbie Parker, the father of slain Sandy Hook Elementary student Emilie Parker, regarding the support his family and the other Sandy Hook families have received from Rangers' fans.

Durrett also continues his position outlook series by taking a gander at right field. Nelson Cruz's breakout 2009 campaign and even better 2010 have been followed by two seasons as exciting as unsalted crackers. Well, 2011 was unsalted crackers, 2012 was something more boring still. Unflavored yogurt, probably.

Finally, here's a video of someone dropping molten nickel into a mug of water.

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