Monday Morning Texas Rangers Update

You mad, LSB? - Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

The number one source for taking the analytics and shoving them up your [bleeping] [bleep]

Oh boy. A morning post to make a meal of.

So the Rangers have been at camp for a week and week one probably couldn't have gone much worse. The #3 starter is back in Arlington getting his surgically repaired back checked out. The #2 starter hasn't even shown up yet because of a Snoopy on Ice mishap. The starting catcher had surgery and is questionable for Opening Day. The new second baseman can't throw because of tendinitis. The right fielder has something akin to turf toe. The presumed closer was held back to work on new mound mechanics after feeling shoulder soreness. And Nelson Cruz signed his pillow contract in Baltimore and left the Rangers with Mitch Moreland as the every day DH.

If you didn't believe before, this week might have finally convinced you that we reside on the darkest timeline.

No worries, manager Ron Washington is still pumped up about the bunting on Opening Day. Ah, bunting. Nothing says baseball ceremony quite like those red, white, and blue festive decorations that hang on the facade around The Ballpark and usher in...hold the phone, he's talking about sacrifice bunts? Well, shit.

For those confused about why Ron Washington doesn't have a contract beyond this season, Washington spoke with Gil LeBreton about the sacrifice bunt and this is a literal quote from the Rangers' manager among other such insanity:

"They can take the analytics on [sacrifice bunts] and shove it up their [bleep][bleep]."

I assume the "they" in that quote is you, me, Jon Daniels, Tim Bogar, the media, and everyone else who isn't Ron Washington. Therefore, we've just been told. If that isn't proof that Ron Washington boots up his AOL account and reads LSB, I don't know what could be.

Ron Washington also said, as told by Drew Davison, that if Shin-Soo Choo leads off the 2014 season with a double, expect Elvis Andrus to bunt him over in the first inning. So, either Ron Washington is playing the longest of cons, or my pitchfork is at the ready.

Evan Grant has more on what is already making me dread the 2014 season. Mainly that Ron Washington spouts numbers that have no basis in reality while deriding people who use numbers to analyse productivity and admits to forcing Elvis to bunt a metric ton last season -- a thing he intends to continue doing for the rest of our lives.

Anthony Andro shares this quote from Washington about wasting outs:

"Mike Scioscia dropped 56 sacrifice bunts, the most in the league, and he's a genius. Ron Washington dropped 53 (in 2010) and he's bunting too much."

Ron, my friend, since I know you're reading, let me clue you in:

Mike Scioscia has piloted a billion dollar failure to four straight disappointing seasons. No one thinks he's a "genius." The only reason he hasn't been fired is because he's still in the middle of an 87 year contract with the Angels. It's becoming clearer by the day why the Rangers haven't offered you a similar long-term deal.

On to the good news. Andro has an update on all of the injuries in camp and none of them mention Leonys Martin having lockjaw or Martin Perez suffering from a broken penis from falling out of bed while having a wet dream. Yet.

But in actual good news, here's a piece from T.R. Sullivan about Adrian Beltre and how the Texas Rangers have Adrian Beltre so they're still watchable despite Ron Washington's best efforts.

Andro writes that Colby Lewis continues to feel good this spring, so we've got that going for us.

Richard Durrett asked Jason Frasor several questions and all the answers make you glad that Jason Frasor re-signed with the Rangers this offseason.

Davison writes about Jurickson Profar champing at the bit for the opportunity to play every day with the Rangers. Probably mostly to shut me up.

Grant has a note about the Rangers bringing in a visual training tool championed by Shin-Soo Choo that allegedly helps with plate discipline.

MLB.com's Jesse Sanchez writes about the Venezuelan contingent of Major Leaguers -- including those on the Rangers -- showing support for their country mates back home during this time of political strife and violence.

EG's daily things he thinks he thinks about Ranger camp includes a rad note on Jorge Alfaro that made me momentarily forget that Ron Washington roughly told me to shove things into unpleasant places.

Kate Morrison has placed SS Luis Sardinas as her No. 7 Prospect to Watch. I will probably be too busy watching Nick Williams, though.

Sullivan's Notebook covers Matt Harrison feeling "100 percent" after adjusting his Sealy Posturepedic, Ron Washington sacrifice bunting his career and/or my sanity, and good reports from camp on Pedro Figueroa among other items.

ESPN Chicago's Jesse Rogers has a nice report on Mike Olt seeing fine this spring after a worrisome 2013. I'm still rooting for Mike Olt even though the only thing that came of his meme-worthy tenure with the Rangers was the acquisition of Matt Garza.

Finally...

I promise that this wasn't me.

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