Hey, guys... remember when you were totally drawing Martin Perez's name inside hearts on your Trapper Keeper, and then he wasn't a prospect anymore, but then he showed up riding a winged unicorn and shut out the A's?
In his postgame story, T.R. Sullivan says Perez has now thrown 26 consecutive scoreless innings because he's f'ing dreamy.
Evan Grant's recap is all about Perez, too, quoting Ron Washington as saying "He did a great job against a great-hitting team," though he acknowledges that this could all be a flipside of the wish Billy Beane made on a cursed monkey's paw. Yes, you won the West for the past two years but ENJOY YOUR 40 YEARS IN THE DESERT. Also, Grant takes a look at Martin Perez flirting with history, phrasing it as, at this point, "a kiss on the lips but no tongue."
ESPN Stats & Info takes a look at Perez's last three starts, and they include a heat map which you guys will like because you're all nerds.
Eric Gilmore's postgame story says that Perez feels great about his second complete game, but that he won't be happy until he hears the lamentations of the A's women. Richard Durrett says we have stepped through the looking glass, with all kinds of injury craziness and the Rangers are still winning. And, for once, Eric Gilmore's rapid reactions do not mention Prince Fielder leaving the game with dengue fever or Alex Rios spontaneously combusting.
Gilmore also has an update on Pedro Figueroa, whose elbow was stricken by the 2014 gypsy curse after throwing only one pitch on Tuesday, and says that Matt Harrison will start Sunday at which point a giant eagle will swoop down and carry him off in its talons because this is one of those "escalating Biblical plague" kind of curses, not a "general malaise" kind of curse.
Evan Grant takes a look at the confusing replay review that resulted in the Rangers' losing a run but winning crew chief Larry Vanover's heart, and explores the question of whether the home plate collision rule was reviewed (it wasn't) even though the umpires told Washington that it was (because they are dirty filthy liars).
Joey Gallo has gone into berserker mode, rolling a natural 20 on his strikeout savings throw on Wednesday night.
Neftali Feliz has returned to Arlington to be checked out for general soreness and being a "big ol' wussy." The prognosis is "guarded."
Because they have used all of the position players on the 40 man roster to appease the injury gods, the Rangers have acquired some nameless goldshirt to serve as phaser fodder until Choo is ready to play again.
Kevin Kouzmanoff's back is still sore, because of course it is.
And, finally, babies apparently cry at night because they think the ultimate expression of the love between a man and a woman is "so gross."