I was looking through some threads and I noticed than rentz has a signature quoting the late great stand-up comedian Mitch Hedberg and thought that with the world in peril right now, what with Hurricane Ike, the bail out of AIG, and Jamey Wright, that stand-up comedy might serve as a good distraction.

Then as I started looking through more threads, my opinion was strengthened when I saw that Brian Thomas has a picture of the late Rodney Dangerfield as his profile image, RCCook has the cover of the late Bill Hicks’s Arizona Bay Album, and thedirkatron has uploaded what’s obviously a 15-year-old mug shot of Carrot Top.

So, here’s my pitch for LSB immortality: Who’s your favorite stand-up comedian of All-Time? And unless you’re a big Dane Cook fan, feel free to leave any links you can find for them that you'd like to the board to see.

Although Bill Hicks (hard to believe he was so prolific in his much-too-short 32 years on this earth), Woody Allen and Rodney Dangerfield are among my favorites, I thought I’d lead it off with an obscure comedian in the form of the late Drake Sather. Sather definitely wasn’t a household name as a stand-up, but you might be more familiar with some of his writing. He wrote for “The Larry Sanders Show,” “Saturday Night Live,” “The Naked Truth,” “The Dennis Miller Show” (Not the same as “Dennis Miller Live”), and co-wrote (along with Ben Stiller and John Hamburg) the cult comedy classic “Zoolander.”

 I remember watching Sather on television as part of “The 13th Annual Young Comedians Special” and thought he was brilliant. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like he appeared that many more times on screen; besides a couple of appearances on Newsradio as a lawyer of Mr. James’s (Stephen Root), it looks like the only other times he could be seen on TV was a few episodes of Late Night With David Letterman in the late 1980s.

But on the bright side, somebody uploaded some of Sather’s work on YouTube. And if you take a look at it, tell me whether you think, the big hair aside, that he looks a whole lot like Michael Young (okay, maybe just a little):

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

I wrote this a while back when the main thread had a link to a couple of Baseball Prospectus pieces from Joe Sheehan about how the Rangers could become a “dynasty” if they were able to turn players such as Milton Bradley, Kevin Millwood, Vicente Padilla, and Ramon Vazquez into young pitching via trades. Although it has since proved to not be the case (at least for now), it got me thinking about what it takes to become a dynasty. In my mind, either you need to have lots of quality players entering their primes at the same time, or you need to have lots of quality players at different stages and be able to quickly respond when some of them start declining.

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While it certainly seems like the Rangers are getting close, it looks like the picture will start taking shape around 2011. I thought I’d just post an updated position-by-position listing of the candidates for that opening day lineup. The numbers next to the players are their ages as of March 31st, 2011 (I’ve also listed the date of birth). The players are listed by their ages in descending order. The criteria for my list are that each player has to be 22 at this time, and you have to be at least in Bakersfield right now (the only exception is Justin Smoak). I’ve also left players in their current positions, with the exception of Michael Young, who I can’t imagine will still be playing Shortstop by this time.

 

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Catcher –

 

Taylor Teagarden            (27 - 12/21/1983)

Max Ramirez                   (26 - 10/11/1984)

Jarrod Saltalamacchia      (25 - 5/2/1985)

 

Comments: Until San Francisco called up 22-year-old Pablo Sandoval (b. 8/11/1986) on August 14th, Saltalamacchia was the youngest catcher in the Major Leagues. Teagarden is the oldest guy listed here and he’s younger than all Major Leaguer catchers other than Sandoval, Saltalamacchia, Washington’s Jesus Flores (10/26/1984), Atlanta’s Brian McCann (2/20/1984) and Tampa Bay’s Dioner Navarro (2/9/1984).

 

First Base –

 

Christopher Davis           (25 - 3/17/1986)

Smoak                           (24 - 12/5/1986)

 

Comments: Hopefully whoever is the General Manager going forward remembers those famous words of George Santayana when the Rangers again have “too many” First Basemen. (Note: You don’t need to look it up; it was Santayana who said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”)

 

Second Base –

 

Ian Kinsler                     (28 - 6/22/1982)

German Duran               (26 - 8/3/1984)

Renny Osuna                 (25 - 4/24/1985)

Jose Vallejo                   (24 - 9/11/1986)

 

Comments: Kinsler in his prime.

 

Shortstop –

 

Joaquin Arias                (26 - 9/21/1984)

Marcus Lemon              (22 - 6/3/1988)

Elvis Andrus                  (22 - 8/26/1988)

 

Comments: In the 27 games he played for Oklahoma City after the Triple-A All-Star Break this year, Arias hit .316/.352/.513. Arias can steal bases (he’s 23 for 28 this year), but rarely draws walks (he has 19 this year in his 460 Minor League PA’s). As for Andrus, it’s possible that he arrives in Arlington before he turns 21.

 

Third Base –

 

Young                          (34 - 10/19/1976)

Travis Metcalf              (28 - 8/17/1982)

John Whittleman           (24 - 2/11/1987)

 

Comments: After watching his third consecutive year of declining offensive production, I wonder if reputation, charisma, and an unwillingness by a team to recognize when it signs a bad contract is all that’s going to keep Young an everyday player at this point, as opposed to a very well-compensated utility player.

 

Metcalf was hitting incredibly well in Spring Training (.412/.444/.824) until he injured his hamstring, requiring surgery. In the 62 games that he was at Oklahoma City (working on his second option), he hit just .247/.296/.352. But Metcalf is still on the 40-Man Roster, and with the crunch the Rangers seem to always be facing, that must say something.

 

Whittleman was just promoted to Frisco despite the fact that the only thing he’s got going for him is his 81 walks in 525 PA’s. While with the Blaze, Whittleman also had 27 errors in 110 games at third. Combined with Lemon (38 errors in 105 games at shortstop) and now Osuna (10 errors in 48 games at second), one has to wonder what’s in Bakersfield’s Gatorade Cooler.

 

Outfielders –

 

Josh Hamilton               (29 - 5/21/1981)

Ben Harrison                (29 - 9/18/1981)

David Murphy              (29 - 10/18/1981)

Brandon Boggs             (28 - 1/9/1983)

John Mayberry             (27 - 12/21/1983)

Julio Borbon                 (25 - 2/20/1986)

 

Comments: Hamilton is in. The two other starters and at least one bench player are the real question. Harrison is Rule 5 eligible this year, and he’s hitting .298/.385/.506 with 18 stolen bases (in 20 attempts) between Double-A and Triple-A. It’s possible that some other players could be tried in the outfield. How about an all 6’4, 235 lb outfield with Salty in left, Hamilton in center, and Davis in right?

 

Starting Pitchers –

 

A.J. Murray                 (29 - 3/17/1982)

Scott Feldman              (28 - 2/7/1983)

Thomas Diamond         (27 - 4/6/1983)

Glenn Swanson            (27 - 5/15/1983)

Douglas Mathis            (27 - 6/7/1983)

Brandon McCarthy      (27 - 7/7/1983)

Luis Mendoza              (27 - 10/31/1983)

Michael Ballard            (27 - 2/6/1984)

Jared Hyatt                  (26 - 5/15/1984)

Matt Harrison              (25 - 8/16/1985)

Eric Hurley                  (25 - 9/17/1985)

Michael Schlact           (25 - 12/9/1985)

Evan Reed                  (25 - 12/31/1985)

Tommy Hunter            (24 - 7/3/1986)

Zach Phillips                (24 - 9/21/1986)

Derek Holland            (24 - 10/9/1986)

Omar Poveda             (23 - 9/28/1987)

Kasey Kiker               (23 - 11/19/1987)

Neftali Feliz                (22 - 5/2/1988)

 

Comments: It’s possible that the three most promising guys I’ve listed (Feliz, Holland, Kiker) are among the four youngest. I didn’t delete anybody from this category from when I first did this, so yeah, it’s starting to look like some of these guys are becoming rather marginal prospects. Also, I added a couple of guys (Swanson and Hyatt), who are a couple tiers down and probably project as relievers at best.

 

Relief Pitchers –

 

C.J. Wilson                 (30 - 11/18/1980)

Josh Rupe                   (28 - 8/18/1982)

Kea Kometani            (28 - 12/24/1982)

J.B. Diaz                     (27 – 6/9/1983)

Brennan Garr              (27 – 2/22/1984)

Warner Madrigal        (27 - 3/21/1984)

Ryan Falcon               (26 - 8/27/1984)

Josh Lueke                 (26 - 12/5/1984)

Andrew Laughter        (26 - 2/24/1985)

Beau Jones                 (24 - 8/25/1986)

 

Comments: Projecting future relievers is hard because so many starters are eventually moved to the bullpen. After almost an entire season without injury, I wonder if Josh Rupe will ever get a chance to be a starter.

 

 

 

 

 

University of South Carolina Coach Ray Tanner on Justin Smoak signing with the Rangers:

"It's going to happen. But has it happened? No, it hasn't happened yet."

http://www.greenvilleonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080815/SPORTS0102/808150357/1004/NEWS01

Hmmmm........ 75 words you say? Well, I'm thinking about changing my User ID. I think that using my real name, as I'm currently doing, doesn't really work well for message boards. You need to use a pseudonym that's clearly made up and just over-the-top asinine. You need something like "Jack Nicholson 1974", "thedirkatron", or "Adam J. Morris".

Any ideas?

 

In the main thread, there was a link to a couple of Baseball Prospectus pieces from Joe Sheehan about how the Rangers could become a “dynasty” if they become sellers this year; turning players such as Milton Bradley, Kevin Millwood, Vicente Padilla, and Ramon Vazquez into young pitching. And it started me thinking about what it takes to become a dynasty. In my mind, either you need to have lots of quality players entering their primes at the same time, or you need to have lots of quality players at different stages and be able to quickly respond when some of them start declining.

 

While it certainly seems like the Rangers are getting close, it looks like the picture will start taking shape around 2011. I thought I’d just post a position-by-position listing of the candidates for that opening day lineup. The numbers next to the players are their ages as of March 31st, 2011 (I’ve also listed the date of birth). The criteria for my list were that each player has to be 22 at this time, and you have to be at least in Bakersfield right now (the only exception is Justin Smoak). I’ve also left players in their current positions, with the exception of Michael Young, who I can’t imagine will still be playing Shortstop by this time. Sheehan has got a (very good) point though about the pitching, which really looks weak.

 

Catcher –

 

Taylor Teagarden          27 (12/21/1983)

Max Ramirez                 26 (10/11/1984)

Jarrod Saltalamacchia    25 (5/2/1985)

 

Comments: Are there any major league catchers younger than Saltalamacchia? Seriously, I don’t think there is one. The closest one that I know of is Washington’s Jesus Flores (10/26/1984), born only 15 days after the Rangers’ current backup, Ramirez.

 

First Base –

 

Christopher Davis         25 (3/17/1986)

Smoak                         24 (12/5/1986)

 

Comments: Hopefully whoever is the General Manager at this time remembers those famous words of George Santayana when the Rangers have “too many” First Basemen. (Note: You don’t need to look it up; it was Santayana who said, “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.”)

 

Second Base –

 

Ian Kinsler                   28 (6/22/1982)

German Duran             26 (8/3/1984)

Jose Vallejo                 24 (9/11/1986)

 

Comments: Kinsler in his prime.

 

 

Shortstop –

 

Joaquin Arias              26 (9/21/1984)

Marcus Lemon           22 (6/3/1988)

Elvis Andrus               22 (8/26/1988)

 

Comments: I’m not sure about Arias’s status regarding options (I don’t think the Rangers used one on him last year, so he might have one left after 2008). He can steal bases (he’s 14 for 16 this year), but rarely draws walks (he has 5 this year compared to 195 at-bats) and has no power. I’m thinking that if roster spaces start getting competitive, Arias could get DFA’d. As for Andrus, it’s possible that he arrives in Arlington before he turns 21.

 

Third Base –

 

Michael Young          34 (10/19/1976)

Travis Metcalf           28 (8/17/1982)

John Whittleman        24 (2/11/1987)

 

Comments: If Young does indeed get forced to move over to Third, my guess is that his biggest competition could come if the Rangers decide to try Davis at the position. Metcalf was hitting incredibly well in Spring Training (.412/.444/.824) until he injured his hamstring, requiring surgery. In the 33 games that he’s been Oklahoma City (working on his second option), he’s hitting just .226/.262/.315. It could be interesting to see what the Rangers do if they start having issues with the 40 (which, as we all know, “TRUMPS ALL”). From what I’ve read, Whittleman’s defense is absolutely horrific.

 

Outfielders –

 

Josh Hamilton         29 (5/21/1981)

Ben Harrison          29 (9/18/1981)

David Murphy        29 (10/18/1981)

Brandon Boggs      28 (1/9/1983)

John Mayberry      27 (12/21/1983)

Julio Borbon          25 (2/20/1986)

 

Comments: Hamilton is in. The two other guys are the real question. Harrison is Rule 5 eligible this year, and he’s hitting .335/.419/.589 with 14 stolen bases (in 16 attempts) in Double-A this year. It’s also possible that Davis’s future could be in the outfield.

 

Starting Pitchers –

 

A.J. Murray               29 (3/17/1982)

Scott Feldman           28 (2/7/1983)

Thomas Diamond      27 (4/6/1983)

Douglas Mathis         27 (6/7/1983)

Brandon McCarthy  27 (7/7/1983)

Luis Mendoza          27 (10/31/1983)

Michael Ballard        27 (2/6/1984)

Matt Harrison          25 (8/16/1985)

Eric Hurley              25 (9/17/1985)

Michael Schlact       25 (12/9/1985)

Evan Reed              25 (12/31/1985)

Tommy Hunter        24 (7/3/1986)

Zach Phillips            24 (9/21/1986)

Omar Poveda          23 (9/28/1987)

Kasey Kiker            23 (11/19/1987)

 

Comments: Possibly the biggest names in the system will be 22 on Opening Day 2011: Michael Main (12/14/1988), Blake Beavan (1/17/1989), and Neftali Feliz (5/2/1988). None of them, however, are currently above A Ball.

 

 

Relief Pitchers –

 

Brian Gordon           32 (8/16/1978)

C.J. Wilson              30 (11/18/1980)

Josh Rupe                28 (8/18/1982)

Kea Kometani         28 (12/24/1982)

Warner Madrigal     27 (3/21/1984)

Ryan Falcon            26 (8/27/1984)

Josh Lueke             26 (12/5/1984)

Andrew Laughter    26 (2/24/1985)

Beau Jones             24 (8/25/1986)

 

Comments: Projecting future relievers is hard because so many starters are eventually moved to the bullpen.

With the whole "the 40 trumps all" (my apologies to all parties offended by the less refined “The 40 Man Rules All") that occasionally pops up on the board, I thought that it might be interesting to (try to) open up a discussion about players that the Rangers will have to decide about adding to the 40-Man Roster or risk being taken in the Rule 5 Draft. Here’s what I’ve got, but if you know more significant names, I’d like to hear them:

 

Eric Hurley (1-3, 6.54 ERA, 9 HR’s allowed in 42.2 innings in Oklahoma City). Despite this season’s numbers, the only realistic way that Hurley isn’t added is if he’s with another organization in December. On the positive side, he’s thrown 50 strikeouts.

 

Michael Schlact (1-3, 4.73 ERA for Frisco). One of the younger starting pitchers in the Texas League at 22 (turns 23 on December 9th).

 

John Mayberry Jr. (.268/.322/.512 in 82 Frisco at-bats and .313/.343/.609 in 64 Oklahoma City at-bats). The power is undoubtedly there, it’s the ability to get on base, and, related to that, the ability to avoid striking out that is the question. At 24 (turns 25 on December 21st), this year will likely provide quite a bit of evidence about what type of major leaguer the two-time first round pick (Seattle - 2002, Texas - 2005) can (will?) be.

 

Taylor Teagarden (.169/.279/.305 in 59 Frisco at-bats and .289/.449/.368 in 38 Oklahoma City at-bats). Despite being born the same day as Mayberry, since he’s supposedly a top-tier defensive catcher in the making, in my book he gets a little more leeway with the age. But also like Mayberry, strikeouts are a major concern as Teagarden has done that 34 times between the Texas and Pacific Coast Leagues.

 

Ben Harrison (.354/.444/.659 in 82 Frisco at-bats). Had the Rangers needed to protect Harrison or risk losing him in 2006, they might have done it. But his injury-marred 2007 made it unnecessary to add him last December, when he was finally eligible. The Rule 5 Draft mandates that a team must keep a player on the major league roster for an entire year (unless an arrangement is made to the contrary), so if a team thinks the 26 year old Harrison (turns 27 on Septmeber 18) can be a major leaguer, they might believe that the right time to determine that is in 2009.

 

Jose Vallejo (.281/.339/.431 in 167 Bakersfield at-bats). The 21 year old Vallejo (turns 22 on September 11th) started fast, but has since returned to ear. He does have 5 HR’s this year (compared to the 4 he’d hit in 1,212 professional at-bats before this year), so I’ll let it slide that he’s let his stolen base success rate "plummet" from 94% (47 for 50 at Clinton) in 2007 to 87.5% (16 for 18) while at Bakersfield this year.

 

Steve Murphy (.316/.352/.526 in 152 Frisco at-bats). Murphy, 24, was asked to repeat a year in the Texas League after hitting an uninspiring .277/.319/.424 for the RoughRiders in 2007.

 

Emerson Frostad (.276/.341/.480 in 123 Frisco at-bats). With so many batters producing excellent lines for the RoughRiders, 25 year old Frostad has quietly produced a solid line while repeating a year in the Texas League.

 

Kea Kometani (3-2, 4.76 ERA in 17 Oklahoma City inning). In last year’s Arizona Fall League, he had a 1.80 ERA, 0.70 WHIP and recorded 17 strikeouts in 10 innings. Hasn’t really built on that in the Pacific Coast League, where he’s given up 17 hits, 11 walks and 3 HR’s. On the plus side, he’s average a strikeout per inning.

 

Ian Gac (.357/.471/.762 in 126 Clinton at-bats). A bit of a stretch because he (A) is spending his fourth straight here with significant time in the Midwest League, and (B) can’t play anywhere on the field besides first base (let’s never mention his 5 games at third base in 2005). But the numbers are big, and if he hits like that for Bakersfield or Frisco in the second half of the year, and possibly continues in a Winter or Fall League…

 

Karl Christopher ("K.C.") Herren (.240/.357/.271 in 96 Bakersfield at-bats). Almost no chance here.

 

Mauro Gomez (.252/.294/.341 in 135 Bakersfield at-bats). Gomez started showing power (21 HR’s in 497 at-bats) for Clinton in 2007. Haven’t seen that from him in the California League.

 

 

If you were expecting to see Zach Phillips, I was recently informed that because he signed so late after the 2004 draft, he won’t be eligible for the 2008 Rule 5 Draft. The one name that I’m interested in and not sure about is Manuel Pina. He started playing in the Rangers’ organization the same year a Vallejo, but I’m not sure about the date he signed and if it matters. The Rangers will also have to make some decisions about Drew Meyer, Robinson Tejeda, Nate Gold, Bill White, Elizardo Ramirez, and John Bannister, but I don’t know all the details. If you’ve got some information, please share.