I remember dressing up as an Indian in third grade for our Thanksgiving play.  My name was "Flies with Bees"... coined from an incident earlier in the school year where I fled from a swarm of bees I had angered on the playground, flapping my arms like a wuss, in the hopes they wouldn't bite me. 

It took me 10 years to realize that the reason nobody thought my Indian name was good back then was because they thought that I had lice.

And who could forget the great ice storm of 1993? 

I know I won't. 

My dad's piece-of-shit Taurus broke down on our way to the Cowboy game.  Yes, THAT Cowboy game.

I remember walking through the highway sludge so that we could find a pay-phone.  And really, what better place to find a pay-phone than at your friendly, neighborhood Shoney's... where the pancakes are fattening and the waitresses have beards.

But none of those can hold a match to the one I will be celebrating this year...  the one I'm celebrating with you, my LSB comrades.

I feel I've come a long way since my "pot-dumps-and-sandwiches" heyday... the ilk that many of you are never quick enough to remind me.  But even if my haughty, smarmy personality rubs you the wrong way... please know that it's all for the sake of this website.  This community that we've become; this community that continues to grow... with more 'Smoak' usernames than you can swing a dick at.

I appreciate the company of all of you... even if I think I'm better than you.  Because, the truth is... I'm not.

And that's what Thanksgiving is all about.  It's about saying... "Hey man... I fucked up.  You fucked up.  But, it's cool.  Let's have some cornbread!"

Now, let's all roll a doob, and enjoy THE COLD NOVEMBER RAIN...

AHHHHHHHHHHH - AHHHHHHHHHH....

Yeaaauhhh...

_________________________________________________________________

Say,  does anybody else get creeped out with those tollway lights on 121? 

Look in your rearview mirror, after you pass one, and I swear... it's like all 10 lights start moving around in strange motions... as if they're congregating to determine which one is targeting you.

And what's up with that hole in your sink?  Not the sink drain, but the little one... at the top of the sink bowl... closest to you when you're standing in front of it. 

For Pete's sake... that's like free admission for roaches and shit.

I woke up this morning feeling better than yesterday.  I was still spitting up phlegm, but not at the same frequency of the days prior.  I took a Claritin 24-Hour Relief pill on Saturday and a Sudafed 24-Hour Relief pill on Sunday.  I don't know if one worked better than the other, but my two-day binge on orange juice probably helped.

I had to feel better today because I was picking up some very important Japanese clients in the afternoon.  We are shooting some pick-up shots in Glen Rose tomorrow for a commercial that will only air in Japan.  There's a running joke in the commercial business about working on 'mayonnaise commercials'... I'm not sure what dinosaur fossils have to do with mayonnaise... but according to the suits, this is a real-life mayonnaisse commercial.

I met the production supervisor in the lobby of the Hotel Palomar at 10am.  He gave me some spending money, told me that I had to pick up an SUV rental at the Budget at DFW Airport at 3pm, and then pick up the clients at 5pm. 

"That's it?" I asked.

"That's it."

"What do I do from now until then?" 

He shrugged. 

I decided to spend the rest of my morning chillin' by White Rock Lake.  I've only been to White Rock Lake a couple of times... I was raised on Arlington's south side, and have yet to reside in Dallas proper.  So, White Rock Lake is still somewhat of a mythical landscape I only hear about on the radio whenever there's a jog-athon.

The lake was surprisingly accessible... (the people who run Joe Pool should take a lesson from this)...

I pulled up to the waterfront, kicked off my shoes, and basked in the cool glow of early autumn sunlight.  A woman jogged past me, blessed with the roundest boobs I had seen since I saw Lucy Pinder on the cover of American Curves at the 7-Eleven checkout a month ago.  I said hello.  She smiled and nodded, panting as if her workout was becoming too painful.  Stripper.

I tired after awhile, and retreated to my car.  I rolled down the windows, flipped on The Ticket, leaned my seat back all the way, and flicked the bill of my cap to cover my eyes.  It was then that Sean Bass mentioned that Mike Maddux was going to be named the new Rangers pitching coach. 

The first thing I thought of when I heard this was Homer in the Stampy episode... when Santa's Little Helper and Snowball are trying to impress him with new tricks...

Goood Luuckk!

I decided to have lunch with the dizzy Dallas public at the Café Express in Mockingbird Station.  To my dismay, the haughty-professional-type crowd outnumbered the SMU skirts.  I got my lunch and sat next to a table of young, attractive business women.  I looked up at them every now and then to see if they had noticed my handsomeness. 

Alas, I was not acknowledged. 

On my final attempt, I glared at them deathly... a piece of roasted turkey hanging from my lip. 

When that was not successful, I decided to gather my things and get to work.  The fries tasted like shit anyway.

I took a taxi to the airport.  It was $40 BUCKS.  Do taxis already add a tip to the amount?  Because I gave the sonuvabitch an extra six bucks afterwards.  All for doing nothing but keeping his mouth shut.

I picked up the Expedition, drove to Gate C4 and waited for my clients to arrive.  While passing the time at the baggage claim, I noticed a middle-aged man and a much older woman embrace for a full minute... Sixty seconds had never seemed like an eternity.  In my haste to form conclusions, I began to choke-up. 

I don't think I've ever hugged my mother that long.  Ever. 

What circumstance could cause two people to hold each other that long, I wondered.  As they let each other go, she took off her glasses and wiped away her tears.

The Japanese agency arrived moments later, accompanied with a translator.  It was only until they were five feet in front of me that I realized I had not researched Japanese etiquitte the night before like I told myself I would.  I quickly punched the cap off my head, stuck out my hand and bowed.  I offered them bottles of Aquafina that I bought with my own personal money, just as a courtesy.  They politely declined.  I had no idea what they were saying.  But, they smiled.  I smiled.  The middle-aged man and the old lady smiled.  Everyone was smiling.  I wanted to leave.

I drove them back to the Palomar in a brisk Japanese 55 MINUTES.  Seriously, why is there more traffic going towards downtown at 5pm, than going away from it?  I thought it was the other way around.

I hate fancy hotels.  HATE 'EM.  No, I don't want you to valet my car.  No, I can carry my bags myself.  Fuck you.  Thank you.

If I were one of the top closers in baseball, I would stipulate in my contract that I stay at a La Quinta on every road trip.

Word is that former Cleveland GM John Hart has phoned Seattle and informed the Mariners that he'd like to come out of retirement and run a team again. Hart currently is working as a consultant for the Rangers.

CBS Sportsline reports.

...Funny how this is worded... "former Cleveland GM"... instead of "former Texas GM"...

Quick story on Hart's last go-around with the Rangers...

When Doug Melvin was fired in 2000, Texas owner Tom Hicks had two suitors to his GM throne; Dave Dombrowski and John Hart.

It's assumed that Dombrowski's interview didn't fly over too well with the Rangers brass.  The dreaded "R" word was thrown around... a youth movement was advocated.  The Rangers were only a year removed from having won the West... and had put together a nice run during the late 90's... but, it was clear that no progress was being made, as the team succumbed to three first-round playoff exits in four years.

Hart, on the other hand, believed the Rangers were on the cusp; a mere one or two players away.  Tom Hicks, being the 'win-now' dingleberry he is, liked what he heard, and Hart was hired.

What followed was a series of disastrous free-agent signings and trades: Rafael Palmeiro, Ruben Sierra, Juan Gonzalez, Chan Ho Park, Jay Powell, Todd Van Poppel, Richard Hidalgo, Hideki Irabu, John Rocker, Ismael Valdez, Andres Galarragga, Ken Caminiti ... has-beens, have-nots...

...And even though he was worth every penny while he played here, the A-Rod contract was (sigh) a stretch.

His drafts were hit-and-miss... Colby Lewis, Mark Teixeira, Vince Sinisi, Ian Kinsler, John Mayberry, Drew Meyer (Meyer was more of a Grady Fuson pick (assistant GM); but, because of Hart's bogus spending spree the previous off-season, the Rangers 2002 draft did not net a pick in Rounds 2 - 5)...

In a nutshell, Hart set this team back years... when it all ended, many of us were left to wonder what it would have been like with Davey-D at the helm.

It baffles me that he still collects a paycheck with the Rangers, but... whatever.

 

The first reaction is usually the correct one. - Akeem

weren't the Royals a feel-good story a couple of years ago?... wasn't Tony Peña the manager?  what happened to them?

it's too bad we have to wait another few years for either of these teams to become relevant again.  but, if it's any consolation... i still think the Royals' home whites are one of the sharpest uniforms in all of baseball...

anyway...how about a pitching-for-hitting swap over the offseason?... kinda like the Garza for Young trade last year?

i am a fanatic of Donald Zackary Greinke.  he'd look good in a Ranger uniform.  you guys are wasting his time.

Eric Hurley, Chris Davis, Jarrod Saltalamacchia for Zack Greinke

Davis can anchor first base for a couple of years until Hosmer is ready.  he's young, and carries a power bat.  boy, do you all need a power bat... D ain't that bad either.

Saltalamacchia has had a down year... but, it's mostly a product of playing behind an established starter in Gerry Laird, and having to take more pitches to appease Ron Washington's current plate philosophy with the team.  make no mistake though... at his age, Saltalamacchia still has the potential to turn into a power-hitting catcher.  plus, he's handsome.

Eric Hurley is the arm in return.  young, ready to pitch at the big-league level... had some promising starts before he landed on the DL.  Rangers pitching coach, Mark Connor, who has since been fired, probably had him working on something unnecessary.  before this month, Hurley had no record of consistently getting hurt.  and if you're still suspicious... take a look at some of the pitchers the Rangers have developed recently that have gone on to greater success.

John Danks, Edinson Volquez, Armando Galarragga... Chris Young to some extent.

there's some kind of pitching virus in our clubhouse.  which is why we need someone from the outside... like Greinke. 

seems like a fair deal to me... but, i'd like to know what you Royales with cheese would want for him.  add, subtract... hey... just have fun.

___________________________________________________

speaking of fun, this series would be a lot more entertaining with a joint and some hip-hop.  for those of you who are into downloading good jams, here are some suggestions...

Funkdoobiest - "Rock On" (Buckwild Remix)

Manzel - "Space Funk"

Afu-Ra - "D&D Soundclash"

Defari - "Look Into My Eyes"

___________________________________________________

 

 

i have no more nails to bite on :(

If I hear the word "red sox"...POW!!! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!!!

by Halofanatic on Jul 9, 2008 11:04 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

SLDKFJ:LSDKFJLSDKFJ

The Hunt for a Red October ...and please keep telling Clutch to chill!

by cardinalwraith on Jul 9, 2008 11:04 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

thanks frankie

i almost had a stress free night

by ihearhowie2.0 on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

shit frankie....just walk his butt already you wussy

If I hear the word "red sox"...POW!!! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!!!

by Halofanatic on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

These texas announcers are idiots.... He coulda had the runner

by melvintoast on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Got to watch those Gauchos

Seattle I would like to thank you for sucking. It allows me to get back to my roots: Hating Fremont.

Kobe tell me how my ass tastes

by hauldog on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

You know

I could live if Frankie walks Hamilton.

Witty .sig goes here.

by scareduck on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Me too.

Shoulda woulda.

~Till the Halo burns out...

by Zu Long on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Woulda been the call.

by Stirrups on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

 

high heat pop up

by melvintoast on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

...OMFG.

EPIC FAIL.

The Hunt for a Red October ...and please keep telling Clutch to chill!

by cardinalwraith on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

wow

frankie BOTG

by ihearhowie2.0 on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Yup

Where oh where was that IBB?

Witty .sig goes here.

by scareduck on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

 

damnit!

by SCHalo on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

that's what happens when you pitch behind in the count you no good bum!

If I hear the word "red sox"...POW!!! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!!!

by Halofanatic on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Rangers win. >_<

*Visiting Angels fan* Never give up, never surrender!

by TheOptimist on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Are you FUCKEN KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WOW THIS ONE HURTS, not really but it still sucks real bad

Put Kendry Morales at 1B, and move Sean Rodriguez to 3B......NOW LETS GO WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by acuda27 on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Crap!
Hamilton is Good!

"i got 5ive on it"

by Funke5ive on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

Just now noticing this?

Huh.

Witty .sig goes here.

by scareduck on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

go away

"i got 5ive on it"

by Funke5ive on Jul 9, 2008 11:07 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

Imagine if he were not a recovering drug addict.

If he actually played from the day he was drafted. He probably could have made the majors at 18.

Seattle I would like to thank you for sucking. It allows me to get back to my roots: Hating Fremont.

Kobe tell me how my ass tastes

by hauldog on Jul 9, 2008 11:09 PM EDT up reply actions   0 recs

 

Nice

http://inplaynoouts.blogspot.com/ - A blog about teams I like, written by me.

by Carl Johnson on Jul 9, 2008 11:05 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Frank no listen...

by melvintoast on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

WTF????

that ball is outta here....

by pgh_angelsfan on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Fuck

Seattle I would like to thank you for sucking. It allows me to get back to my roots: Hating Fremont.

Kobe tell me how my ass tastes

by hauldog on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

by ladybug on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs

 

Epic. Fucking. Fail.

Gather around, children, for the Legend of Mighty Kirk McCaskill

by HaloDutch on Jul 9, 2008 11:06 PM EDT reply actions   0 recs