How are you, Oakland? How are you doing? Me? I've been alright. Hey listen, we went through some things so I thought I would write you this letter to clear the air. Yes, I'll admit it, there were good times. You showed me Pixar's headquarters. Sometimes I'd get lost in the The Macarthur Maze but I'd always end up in a place more interesting than the last. Thanks for saving that collapse it had that one time for my day off.
You got me drunk that one time up Tightwad Hill and I embarrassed myself by rooting for the Louisiana Tech Bulldogs. You probably thought that I wouldn't remembered that, but I do. I guess I'll always wonder how you made me kind of like the Warriors. How did you do that, Oakland? You have that pretty neat Rose Garden that I went to sometimes and the In-N-Out was good. Sometimes a man just needs more than a double-double, though, you know? Whatever happened to Animal Style? I don't want to rub it in or anything, but the fancy ketchup out here is pretty nice.
But let's face it, the bad times were probably worse than the good times were good. I watched a bag lady defecate on herself and her seat in front of my country mouse eyes on the BART train. That is what I see when I close my eyes at night. Of course, the three times I ended up on the bad side of a gun isn't a memory that we'll share a laugh about in the future. Come on, Oakland. It's like 1:30 AM. I'm in my shorts, downstairs, doing laundry. Of course I don't have any real money on me. Do you really want this $1.25 in quarters for the dryer? Will that be enough for me to not become an Oakland statistic? Think it through.
I guess your worst transgression was the Coliseum. How could we expect it to last when that's where I had to go to watch the Rangers play? Sure, I saw the team clinch the West in 2010 there. But I made it fun. Me and other Rangers fans like me. You did nothing but sit there. I could probably appreciate the fact that it never took you long to be ready for the game, but couldn't you at least have made an effort to look nice? It always felt like I was going to the in-laws' house and they wanted me to wear a Christmas sweater. I needed a baseball temple. It's as simple as that.
The point is, even though we had our time together, as a baseball fan, I don't miss you.
Please don't write.
P.S. If you ever move the team to San Jose, let me know. I've always had a thing for the South Bay.
Monday, May 9 7:05: RHP Trevor Cahill vs. LHP C.J. Wilson
Tuesday, May 10 7:05: LHP Brett Anderson vs. RHP Colby Lewis
Wednesday, May 11 1:05: LHP Gio Gonzalez vs. LHP Matt Harrison
We get it Trevor Cahill. You're a wizard at controlling your peripherals to the chagrin of everyone who would mightily enjoy watching you fail. That would namely be me and the rest of the American League. You're a strike out pitcher now. Look at you! Well, if you can call a 7.5 K/9 rate a "strikeout pitcher" but it's certainly better than the 5.4 K/9 you were rolling with last season. You sly fox, you. You've alleviated the concerns about your ridiculously low BABIP rate in 2010 by striking more dudes out. You're doing your best Jered Weaver impression on me. Just knock it off and become merely above average instead of legitimately awesome already. God. Your face is weird and I don't like you.
Who wants fun? No one? OK! Let's look at the Rangers leaders in wOBA so far in this increasingly not-that-young season:
- Craig Gentry - .463 (HA HA!)
- Mitch Moreland - .394
- Mike Napoli - .386 (All while carrying a .167 BABIP)
- Michael Young - .383
- Josh Hamilton - .379
- Andres Blanco - .369
- Chris Davis - .346
Oakland Athletics (18-17, 3rd Place AL West)
Rangers 2011 Record vs. Oakland: 1-3 (None at The Ballpark)
Oakland's Recent Results: 2-1 Series win against the Kansas City Royals
Oakland's Road Record: 10-9
Rangers Ballpark in Arlington Park Factors (LHB/RHB): HR: 120/109 - wOBA: 103/106
SB Nation A's Blog: Athletics Nation
|Match-up: (as of 5/08)||Rangers||Athletics||Advantage|
|Overall RAR + UZR||26.4||4||Rangers!|
Questions to Answer:
- How many times will Trevor Cahill beat the Rangers this season? Eight times? Nine?
- Who is your pick to lead the Rangers in hits in this series and who will throw the most pitches? (I'll say Elvis Andrus and Colby Lewis.)
- Over/Under: 7.5 Strikeouts by Trevor Cahill?
- Who, in your estimation, do the Rangers have a better chance of beating in this series: Gio Gonzalez or Brett Anderson? (Assuming the Cahill start is an auto-loss.)
- Remember when this was our experience with the young A's starters?