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Want to know when it's the dark dead heart of the offseason? Adam tells a "So i was reading DadBoner" anecdote in a front page post.

Today's slash-fic topic: Jean Luc Picard, Don Draper, a ballgame and a bottle of wine... go!
Today's slash-fic topic: Jean Luc Picard, Don Draper, a ballgame and a bottle of wine... go!
Alex Trautwig

The fact that DadBoner gets so much love around here and the clearly superior FilthyRichmond doesn't is maddening. I'm just going to tell it like it is: DadBoner is an unfunny fount of Twitter idiocy that has gone unrivaled in pure stupid-per-character since Kanye West hung up his TweetDeck. Every LSB DadBoner reference drives me this much closer to banning Adam as a prelude to a violent LSB coup and purge.

Yesterday, the Rangers acquired right-handed pitcher Cory Burns from San Diego. They also signed two Star Trek redshirts to minor league contracts with spring training invites. Here's 147 words from Drew Davison describing these transactions, which is probably 140 more than we needed.

T.R. Sullivan also talks about Burns, Solarte, and Balester, telling us about Burns' nice minor league numbers and including a video of his MLB debut, and informing us that Solarte and Balester are both living organisms capable of converting oxygen and glucose to energy and waste. That may be a bit harsh, as Sullivan does include a "she's got a wonderful personality" quote from Jon Daniels about Balester.

Sullivan also has a story about Rafael Palmiero and his quest for the Hall of Fame, which includes Palmiero saying about his positive PED test, "Why would I do this...? I'm not a crazy person." I like to imagine that, at this point, Kenny Rogers burst through a wall like the Kool-Aid Man, screaming "I'M A CRAZY PERSON!" while pushing over camera crews, but Sullivan is strangely mute on the subject.

Also, Yu Darvish narrowly beat out such luminaries as Brandon Snyder and Luis Martinez to be named Rangers Rookie of the Year.

For today's interactive LSB segment, let's play "Spot the Logical Impossibility" in this Gerry Fraley post about the shrinking foul ground at The Ballpark.

Richard Durrett writes an article that, with minor editing, could describe my girlfriend selection process. Which would you choose, asks Durrett, potentially crippling social anxiety or potentially career ending substance abuse? Spoiler alert, Durrett chooses social anxiety.

Durrett also points to this ESPN Stats & Info piece on Josh Hamilton which attempts to assess the impact of Hamilton on the Rangers over the last 4 years. Interestingly, almost half of the article is spent discussing the Rangers' total offense in comparison to the league pre- and post-2008, with some cursory mentions of oWAR, WAR and DRS. I did a quick word count and have determined mathematically that the number of words in the article spent analyzing Josh Hamilton's impact on the Rangers using team stats is "way too farking many."

Finally, Durrett continues his Winter Meetings Shopping List series with a look at catchers. If you thought the Trolley Dilemma had no good answers, take a look at our catching options.