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Your Texas Rangers, now with 90% less grit: David Murphy signs with Cleveland.

David Richard-US PRESSWIRE

Craig Gentry, you've just been promoted to "favorite player of everyone's secretly racist mother" now that David Murphy has signed with Cleveland! In typical Murphy style, the news was broken by his daughter at her day care and not by the Murphinator at his Monday night Cornhole League. Evan Grant says that the substantial portion of the female Ranger fanbase that didn't buy pink Michael Young shirseys because he was "too ethnic" or Chris Young shirseys because he was "too overtly sexual" are devastated and praying that a new non-threatening gamer will step into the void and become the next Ranger to define "league average."

The Rangers have released their Spring Training schedule, with stories about who is in the best shape of their lives expected to appear no later than early February and rookies leveling up and selecting specializations in their skill trees in the first week of March..

Jeff Wilson's notes column also discusses the Spring Training schedule, as well as some organizational promotions and hirings.

Ripped from the pages of Duh! Weekly, we learn from T.R. Sullivan that the Rangers are receiving a lot of interest in their middle infielders and that they have prioritized strengthening their offense going into 2014.

T.R. Sullivan's notes talk about promotions and hirings and Beltre being named Ranger Player of the Year.

According to Richard Justice, Jon Daniels has been walking around a used car lot screaming "I am naive and mechanically ignorant, am carrying a cashier's check and must go home with a car today!"

Evan Grant says that the Rangers are thinking about maybe telling Shin-Soo Choo that they "like" him, but are not yet ready to say that they "'like' like" him.

Grant also tells us that Joey Gallo was named to the Topps Class A All Star Team.

Mark Saxon takes a look at teams that may be looking for infielders in 2013.

David Schoenfield has a piece on players that enhanced their Hall of Fame candidacies with strong 2013 seasons that includes Adrian Beltre.

Finally, genome analysis seems to indicate primitive humans interbred with the Denisovans, Neanderthals, and another unidentified species. Well, the article says the species is unidentified, but I think we all know what's up.