Series Preview -- Detroit v. Texas

So, goET isn't available to do that series preview today. We know that bad things happened the last time we didn't do a series preview, so I'm going to step in and fill the breach. I'm just not really sure how he does these things, though.

We're playing Detroit. I know I'm supposed to mention that. And we are playing the Tigers in Detroit, which is never a good thing. Bad things happen in Detroit. That's where Adrian Beltre hurt his hamstring in April of last season.

And the game on Sunday is at noon. Noon starts are the worst. If you lose a noon start, you're grouchy about it all day. Plus, noon starts mean no baseball to watch that night. I expected to see both games start at noon, because that's what happens in Detroit and Toronto on the weekends, but the Saturday game is at 6:15, so I assume it will be on Fox. And since it will be on Fox, we will probably get Mitch Williams preaching the gospel of "throw four seamers as hard as you can, without regard to whether they are strikes or not, until your arm flies off, and then get a job being a terrible analyst for the MLB Network" as the best pitching philosophy.

Or maybe we'll get Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Or Jack Buck. Whichever one the son is, who looks like fishbulb, when Homer was on the box of Japanese detergent, with a giant head.

Mitch Williams, incidentally, apparently suggested a couple of days ago on MLB Network that Brandon McCarthy got hit in the head last year by a ball back up the middle because he didn't pitching inside enough, resulting in McCarthy firing back:

.@WildThingMLBN I hope the clip of me nearly dying helped you make one of your asinine points.

— Brandon McCarthy (@BMcCarthy32) July 11, 2013

Williams is probably the worst baseball analyst out there. He's worse than John Kruk, worse than McCarver, worse than Joe Morgan was, worse than Harold Reynolds...for the life of me, I don't see what MLB Network thinks Williams brings to the table.

Anyway, moving on to the series preview...each team will have a starting pitcher for each of the three games in the series. I'm assuming Justin Verlander will be starting for the Tigers, because, you know, he's Justin Verlander, he starts every third game for them, I think. I'm not sure who else will start for them...Doug Fister, probably, because he has a funny name and is the type of changeup specialist the Rangers struggle against and thus always seem to face. And probably Max Scherzer, because he's the only other pitcher I can think of from the Tigers right now who starts. He has two different colored eyes and looks like Steve the Pirate from Dodgeball.

For the Rangers, other than Derek Holland, I'm not sure who would be starting. Everyone else from the rotation is on the disabled list. I'm guessing it will be John Wasdin, maybe, or Mario Ramos. Possibly Kip Wells. I'm just guessing, really.

The Rangers will need good pitching because their offense has struggled. I read in the morning links comments that the Rangers are below average in wRC+ this year. Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre and Nelson Cruz are hitting. Leonys Martin hits, too, when he plays. No one else is really hitting right now.

As for the Tigers, Victor Martinez has been awful this season, so my strategy, if I were Ron Washington, would be to try to pitch to him a lot, and not pitch so much to Miguel Cabrera.

So there you go. The series preview I did so that we wouldn't be hexed by the Series Preview gods. Hopefully, this works.