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First place Texas Rangers

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Jeff Gross

In the time it takes you to read Jeff Wilson's postgame story, Rangers baserunners will steal another 14 bases. T.R. Sullivan also recaps a game that played out like a Ron Washington fever dream. And Blair Angulo has his rapid reactions to the win, which start with an "F" and end with a "-irst place Texas Rangers."

There are two things I know about Ron Washington team meetings: 1) based on the leaked playoff meeting audio, I'm not sure he's the man in the organization you want working point on LGBT issues; and 2) they are apparently the MLB equivalent of the Konami code, according to Jeff Wilson.

Randy Galloway has a column urging compassion and forgiveness for Nellie Cruz, apparently because Cruz is a nice guy. I will give credit where credit is due... besides having a writing style that follows a paragraph format straight out of an 1890's telegram, Randy Galloway is consistent in how he decides whether a player should be punished. Nellie Cruz and Frankie Francisco should be forgiven, because they are nice guys. Kenny Rogers shouldn't be forgiven because he's a world class donkey hole. And you thought the proper way to evaluate the relative weight of a transgression was by carefully evaluating potential harms and the situational context. You're such a silly goose.

Jeff Wilson's notes indicate that Lance Berkman is continuing to make progress and may soon be able to meander slowly to first with the aid of a Lifesuit or other similar powered exoskeleton. Also, Neftali Feliz will be making a rehab appearance in Round Rock today.

Blair Angulo has some notes of his own, and lets us know that Ron Washington would rather not keep playing Jurickson Profar at DH but sort of has to until the Wizard of Oz tells Lance Berkman that he had the power of functional hips inside him all along.

T.R. Sullivan tells us that because of quantum uncertainty we can know whether Lance Berkman will return or how fast he is currently running, but not both. He is currently running at half speed. Sullivan also tells us that Jason Frasor's 567 regular season appearances without playing for a playoff team is second only to fellow mediocrity and former Ranger Jamey Wright among active players, and quotes Ron Washington saying the nice things you say about a girl after you dump her and her life goes in the pooper.

Evan Grant has a post at the DMN about Yu Darvish's buttocks (quickly goes to mailbox to wait for SBN's search engine optimization bonus check). Evan also says that Leonys Martin and the leadoff spot were made for each other.

Over at ESPN, Todd Wills says Alexi Ogando must get better if he wants to stay in the rotation.

Finally, researchers at the University of Washington have released the sequenced genome of HeLa, the first cultured human cell line to survive long term in the lab. Strictly speaking, I'm not sure you could call HeLa "human" as it is a pastiche of human and HPV genes, but the story of its origins is casually racist and completely removed from modern informed consent in the way that the Tuskegee syphillis experiments were but with a much more tangibly beneficial legacy. If you haven't read The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks, it's a fascinating look at the human side of old school pharma R&D.