Jeff Banister is in Arizona trying to settle on a coaching staff, and is probably looking to balance his analytical approach with an old school baseball guy who will advise things like "the best treatment for a blown UCL is to spit on it and then rub some dirt in it" and "BUNT" and whose opinions can then be safely discarded. Fortunately, Arizona is full of semi-coherent geriatrics so we shouldn't have to wait long.
The ever loquacious Jon Daniels on finding some starting pitchers: "It's a priority." Evan Grant discusses the possibility of another big, risky trade to bring in a pitcher and/or an outfield bat in the form of Carlos Gonzalez and Jorge De La Rosa. Gonzalez has had some durability issues, so bringing him to Arlington to be showered in a hail of blows from the God of Pain is a no-brainer.
Calvin Watkins continues his position breakdown by looking at the pitching staff, and that's a bitter pill to swallow that's only redeemed by a faintly fecal aftertaste.
And, finally, your great, great, great, great grandmother fracked a Neanderthal, and she had a half Neanderthal kid. I'm quoting history here. Now, if that's a fact, tell me... am I lying?
Edit: Here's a bonus OT link... according to a recent study, a tendency towards internet trolling is correlated with sadistic personality types. Surprise!