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Joey Gallo is Homer Simpson's handgun.

David Manning-USA TODAY Sports

Calvin Watkins is doing some post-modern surrealist baseball analysis by comparing 2014 Rangers' WAR to salaries.  That is so ridiculous I can't even wrap my mind around it, it's like trying to conceptualize an n-dimensional object.  I would say that it's like Alice in Wonderland except for the fact that Alice in Wonderland at least furthered the admirable purpose of allowing Lewis Carroll to deepen his creepy and inappropriate relationship with a little girl.  Asking if the 2014 Rangers' WAR is commensurate with the salaries paid is like asking if your house is worth what you paid for it after a horde of rampaging Huns burns it to the ground.

Watkins also tells us that the Rangers interviewed Torey Lovullo for the open manager position, and I have absolutely nothing to say about that except that I looked him up on Wikipedia and his real first name is Salvatore.

T.R. Sullivan also talks about Torey Lovullo, and includes a fun picture of Lovullo joshin' around.  "Hey, here's a memento of your summiting a peak you've spent your whole life climbing!  I wrote some stupid things on it and would have drawn a penis but ran out of space!"

Do you remember that Simpsons episode where Homer got a gun and then used it to open beer cans and turn off the TV?  Well Joey Gallo has been playing shortstop, among other positions, in instructs.

There's a story over at Grantland about how every year, going back to baseball's very inception, writers have said the game has lost its magic.

Somehow or other, they don’t play ball nowadays as they used to some eight or ten years ago. I don’t mean to say they don’t play it as well. … But I mean that they don’t play with the same kind of feelings or for the same objects they used to. … It appears to me that ball matches have come to be controlled by different parties and for different purposes …

That is a spry 50 years young Randy Galloway bemoaning the loss of so many good ballplayers to gangrenous Civil War battlefield injuries in 1868.

Finally, as a metaphor for what we all hope 2015 will be after the darkness of 2014, here is a summary of a large scale study of consciousness during cardiac arrest as recalled post-resuscitation..