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Wednesday Morning Links

Fragile old man fears God's fury, signs with Minnesota to avoid inevitable spinal injury in Texas

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I had to take my brother (ed note -- not me, a different brother.  AJM) home from the nudie bar last week, and then I was told to come back later when I tried to return his truck the next day.  So I ran it out of gas and left it in the Twin Peaks parking lot.  On a somewhat related note, the Rangers have non-tendered Alexi Ogando.

Torii Hunter, the answer to a question no one was asking, has wriggled free from Texas' grasp once again to go play for the Twins.

Mitch Moreland, the answer to the question you didn't want answered, and Jurickson Profar, the answer to the question "how do you say Joaquin Arias in Curucao," have both received favorable MRI's and Profar is expected to begin throwing in January.

When I was 6 I was in YMCA Indian Guides, which is an organization sort of like Cub Scouts only racist instead of homophobic.  If you've ever seen the King of the Hill episode where Bobby kills a whooping crane, Indian Guides was almost exactly like the Order of the Straight Arrow.  One Christmas we went to deliver groceries to a destitute shut-in, and the lesson I took away from that was "charity is horrifying."  Tanner Scheppers' childhood flirtations with do-goodery apparently didn't have the same effect, as he spent Tuesday volunteering with Cowboy Santas.

Colby Lewis is expected to pitch for the Ranges next year.  But do you know who isn't?  Alexi Ogando.  They would have brought him back if his long road back to the Rangers had consisted of bouncing back from getting shipped to Japan for sucking instead of bouncing back from visa fraud.

Two Rangers prospects helped seal a win for Gigantes del Cibao in the Dominican yesterday.

The Rangers hope to finalize a deal with Colby Lewis this week.

And, finally, sometimes you want to know what someone was feeling before the last breath with which they could have told you lies cold and stale in their chest.  A woman spent several years examining how the cobwebbed cracks of crystalline salt, antibodies, enzymes and emotion that are the residue of dried tears can tell us from where they came.