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Wednesday Morning Links

Oh, no! We suck again!

Jim Cowsert-USA TODAY Sports

Longtime LSB reader Michael gave me some constructive criticisms about my writing here last week.  In an effort to improve my shoddy joke telling, I read 101 Jokes for Kids and I think I've come up with something topical that fits the proven joke structure pioneered by noted racist and unrepentant jokester John C. Calhoun.

Q: What's black and sinister and all over your Instagram feed?

A: No, seriously, what's with all those sinister black people on your Instagram feed?

At this point, I think we can all agree that you can't really be surprised if you date Taylor Swift and then she writes a song about you when you break up with her for making you wear the fox outfit from the We Are Never Getting Back Together video even though she knows your kink is video game cosplay.  Likewise, I think it's kind of on you when you date a girl named V and the relationship ends in a lawsuit and the loss of a billion dollar asset.  So here's Kareem Abdul Jabaar with a very cogent take on this whole craziness.

Why am I talking about this on a Ranger blog?  Because last night in Rangerland sucked enough that I would rather think of a homely 80 year old man putting on some slow jams, getting out the massage oil, and whispering sweet racist nothings into a crazy woman's ear than the stupid Oakland A's.

Nonetheless, I have to make at least a desultory attempt to cover the links or Adam will release one of the many taped conversations in which I may or may not ask him to take down all of the pictures of Irish people from his Instagram because "even the Polish look down on the Irish," which might or might not possibly endanger my minimum wage job.

Anthony Andro observes that Martin Perez's scoreless inning streak ended in ignominious fashion when he gave up a career high gazillion runs in the fourth.

T.R. Sullivan also focuses on Martin Perez, noting that it was an awful outing and I think we can all agree on that.

Evan Grant tells us that the Ranger pitchers have to figure out how to deal with the patient Oakland lineup, possibly by not scheduling games against them anymore.

Richard Durrett has his rapid reactions and a postgame story, where we learn that John Jaso is who Toby Keith is singing about when he says "we'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way."

Richard Durrett reports that Jurickson Profar will begin throwing in a week because the power of your love has healed his broken heart.  And also his shoulder.

The same cannot be said for Kevin Kouzmanoff, who will have back surgery because Baphomet, breaker of bones and tearer of ligaments, must be appeased by fresh meat.  Baphomet, streak-ender and thunder-stealer, we curse your name!  And also Billy Beane's.

David Schoenfield had a post yesterday about Martin Perez and his nifty changeup that includes some nice heatmaps.  Not so nifty if they don't swing at it, though, so thanks David.

Neftali Feliz is still a week to ten days away from returning to game action, as Dr. Meister has diagnosed him with "a case of the Mondays."

Nick Martinez is going to remain as the long man for the foreseeable future which will get him plenty of work if current trends continue.

T.R. Sullivan's notes column has the longest injury update I've ever seen, and also covers Nick Martinez's long relief outing and Kevin Kouzmanoff's back gremlins.

Finally, here's some classic pinup art and the photographs that they were drawn from.  I don't think it deserves an NSFW tag unless you work for some Mennonites or something.