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The Green Lantern had the color yellow. Superman had kryptonite. The 2014 Rangers have any and all teams in Major League Baseball.

Hey, Elvis, that beard was charming when you were awesome but now it's starting to rub me raw.
Hey, Elvis, that beard was charming when you were awesome but now it's starting to rub me raw.
Jim Cowsert-USA TODAY Sports

I was going to pretend to do the links this morning with the normal link summaries, but have each link go to a cute animal .gif.  We all need some cheering up.  Then I decided that I shouldn't do that because Evan Grant would probably come burn down my house.  Then I remembered that I'd love for my house to burn down for insurance purposes, and then I realized that Evan Grant would probably know that and decide to do something else awful to me.

So you get actual links, such as they are.

Oh, hey, Rangers do you need some ointment for that burn?

Moreland felt fine after appearing in relief, so meet your new swingman.

T.R. Sullivan has a recap of last night's debacle if you want to read something like that, sicko.

Adrian Beltre hit is 100th homer as a Ranger last night, so maybe he'll fetch a C+ arm at the trade deadline.

T.R. Sullivan's notes column takes a look at a Scott Baker callup that will likely be measured in femtoseconds, and apparently a Ron Washington who stepped through a rip in spacetime from an alternate universe who says Ogando is "throwing well."

Gerry Fraley says that the Colby Lewis story started out as Rudy and ended up as that part in Jason and the Argonauts where Medea chopped up her brother and threw him into the ocean to slow down her pursuers.  All that's left is for Kyle Seager to fly off in a chariot drawn by dagons.

Fraley also wonders if Matt Harrison can steer the good ship Rangers between the Scylla of absolutely no run support and the Charybdis of everyone, including random fans from the stands and starving Sudanese children who've never heard of baseball, beating Ranger pitching like it owes them money.  The smart money is on "no."

You know who wants to see A.J. Pierzynski chained to a rock for all eternity while eagles eat his liver?  Well, everyone, of course, including Yu Darvish, interestingly enough.

Mitch Moreland says it was a dream to pitch against the Rockies the other night.

In better news, Joey Gallo is awesome.  At least until they make him start sharing a circulatory system with Adrian Beltre.

Nick Tepesch's AAA scoreless inning streak ended Tuesday at 22.

Evan Grant's five things he thinks says that the Rangers flew to close to the sun on wings made of replacement level players.

Finally, here's Euripides' account of Medea and Jason, though it lacks most of the fun stuff from the Argonauts story.  Still, chalk up "don't cheat on Georgian witches" as a valuable lesson to be learned from Greek mythology.