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The slow news Ranger offseason continues in attempt to avoid the notice of Ian Kinsler's curse

Jim Cowsert-USA TODAY Sports

How do you solve a problem like Chirinos?  I bet you guys didn't tune in today thinking you'd get a Sound of Music reference.  BAM, you just got LSB'ed.  Anyway, T.R. Sullivan says that Chirinos is the likely starting catcher in 2015.

There's not  a whole lot else out there.  I do want the subscribers of LSB premium to get their money's worth, though.

So here's a story about a cockroach being found all up in a woman's business during a colonoscopy.

And here's a photoessay about the modern kings and queens of Nigeria.  "Look, me and the McDonald's people got this little misunderstanding."

This guy seems to really like this animal hospital.

Scientists say that a grim marriage where you grit your teeth and pray for widowhood is far preferable to a life where your only companionship are the tumbleweeds blowing through your babymaker.

Finally, I've opened an animal shelter called Animal Hope in southwest Fort Worth.  Tomorrow I will be there completely alone, probably with a couple of thousand dollars in unmarked bills and some easily persuadable floozies.  So come by and visit and you can watch me give volunteers the hairy eyeball.

Here's a video I made at the shelter to show you that you will totally not be murdered by vengeful spirits.