Rangers concession GM Shawn Mattox is planning on opening two new concession stands this season that might as well be called Whatever's Trendy. Maybe Whatever Used to be Trendy. One is Just Bacon, and I'm a fairly internet savvy chap so I'm cognizant of all the bacon memes and superfluous bacon products out there, but I've never really understood it. Yeah, bacon's alright, I guess. Put it on a burger, give me a strip or two with my breakfast, create a not very convincing facsimile for my salad.
But I have no idea what all of this bacon whipped cream and bacon beer crap is all about. My vape shop mixed me a bacon-jalapeno e-cig juice last year. It was exactly as foul as you would think. More foul than that, really. it was weird, and like, sinister. I think they did it because I had been asking for a pepper and mustard flavor for a while, which I had gotten from a mail order vendor back in 2010 and tasted a bit like beef jerky. They certainly shut me up about that. It tasted like a neurological experiment except I didn't have to wear a boner-sensor while I tried it. I just looked at Google Trends... bacon has been on a steadily upward relevance march since 2009, with a nearly threefold increase in searches over that time period. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? Using Google Trends, I decided a while back that the near ubiquity of cupcakes was tied to Sarah Jessica Parker and her pack of harridans descending like harpies on the Magnolia Bakery. But bacon? Just... I don't know. #Whatevs, man, #whatevs.
Jim Callis gives a little breakdown of the Rangers' top 30 prospects.
T.R. Sullivan has a soft focus piece on Jorge Alfaro, athletics hipster, who looked around his hometown, saw a bunch of people playing soccer, and decided to excel in a sport you've probably never heard of.
Jeff Banister says the Rangers need to excel at defense by being uncommon at the common... absolutely nailing the routine plays, not just the highlight reel stuff.
Evan Grant also has a post about the new concession stands, but I've already bent your ear for two paragraphs about bacon. Well, the other concession stand is state fair fried stuff. You want to talk about that? At least I can understand frying stuff. I mean, I can't understand frying marshmallows breaded in graham crackers and oreos, because I don't particularly care for marshmallows and I really don't get why just throwing crap into a fryer for poops and giggles ever caught on, either. Yeah, throw a banana in there, and a monkey, and my keys! Annnnddd... now we wait for the local news to do a 15 second spot on how crazy we are. High five!
I didn't realize this, but apparently the Rangers have an ongoing "respecting women" program for the players, with translators and everything.
And finally, 8,000 years ago 16 out of 17 men got friendzoned, by every woman, until they died.