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Joey Gallo will be getting an MRI on his sore heel because of course he is.  You know, I think it's time we pursued the "brand new puppy" strategy... you don't get a $4000 sofa the same day you get a 3 month old puppy.  You wait to get something nice until the sofas stop being destroyed.

Delino Deshields will be kept on the 25 man roster as a convenient meat shield to throw in front of Prince Fielder when the plague of locusts descends.  It all works out because Houston won't want him back for $25,000 when he's all bug-eaten, so we'll still get to keep him.

Apparently, those $5 Fireball shots are doing something because the Rangers are close to extending their agreement with the city of Surprise through 2030.

The Rangers have announced their starting rotation, which will be Yovani Gallardo, Torn Labrum, Tetanus/Lockjaw, 50 Game Suspension for Amphetamine Use, and Ross Detweiler.

We've apparently resorted to rolling around on the ground, submissively urinating, in an attempt to stop whatever is causing all of these injuries.

It isn't working, though, because Fujikawa will likely open the season on the DL.

The Rangers are among the teams with the biggest drop in World Series odds for 2015 since betting opened at the end of last season.

For once, the words "Prince Fielder, glistening with sweat after a weight lifting session," are in a story about the Ranges' hitting approach and not Adam's bizarre Ranger slash-fic.

The Rangers players are, so far, Jeff Banister fans.

The headline for T.R. Sullivan's game recap chooses to focus on Nomar Mazara's first homer of the spring rather than Gallardo and Lewis' gas cans.

Sullivan's notes discuss the starting rotation and Matt Harrison's and Martin Perez's rehabs.

Peguero will be starting the season in the minors because Delino Deshields has got mad wheelz.

And, finally, in an article brought to you by Prince Fielder, fast food helps athletes recover from workouts just as well as sports supplements.