Joseph Ursery remembers the weekend series in Seattle at WFAA so you don't have to.
Avert your eyes, Adam. Evan Grant has an article that concludes that Elvis Andrus is the worst shortstop in baseball.
Jeff Wilson steps up to be the person to finally ask the Rangers' medical staff just what they heck they're doing to kill all the baseball players. Unfortunately, after ten minutes of speaking to Keith Meister, Wilson's fingers were mysteriously severed and he had to have an intern type up this piece. A bad break, indeed. Just a tough bit of luck.
Grant writes that Nick Martinez can break a Rangers' record for innings pitched without allowing a run to begin a season with five scoreless innings in Arizona tonight.
T.R. Sullivan writes that instead of resigning to becoming a wolf on Wall Street, Martinez listened to his father and became a baseball pitcher.
Grant has a question for you, Prince: Where them dingers at? Also, Ross Detwiler's figured it out, guys.
Levi Weaver knows that being a baseball GM is hard so he uses the benefit of hindsight to make all the right moves to fix the 2014/15 Rangers.
MLB.com's Steve Gilbert previews tonight's interleague match-up between the Rangers and Nick Martinez vs the Diamondbacks and Chase Anderson.
Lastly, Reds manager Bryan Price probably isn't long for the job so at least he's f------ going out f------ swingin'.
Have a nice day.