Oh, hey, there... are you ready for The Great Joey Gallo War of 2015?
Mark Saxon doesn't say that Clayton Kershaw was "butthurt" but only because "butthurt" isn't in the ESPN style guide.
Fox Sports SW has a little video of Kershaw flipping smooth out in the dugout and quotes him as saying it was the most frustrating game he's ever pitched.
Anthony Ranaudo is being called up to start against Zack Grienke because the current Ranger run of success relies on regular usage of sacrificial lambs. Thank you, Ranaudo, your gruesome death will appease the Lord of Light.
Joey Gallo was a steel drivin' man, oh Lordy Lordy. So was Prince Fielder but for whatever reason I don't really care about that.
Rougned Odor also contributed last night, which was nice, as Rangers lefties said "platoon splits, what platoon splits?"
The bullpen came up big last night, holding a one run lead.
Joey Gallo only strikes out to be charitable to opposing pitchers.
Evan Grant looks at the quality start streak that came to an end last night, crunching some statistics and coming to the tentative conclusion that it was a result of not starting Ross Detwiler.
The DMN has a supercut of Prince Fielder pratfalls, because he's the Chris Farley of baseball I guess.
Here's a butt ugly Ranger All-Star cap.
The Rangers have been able to stay mostly healthy because Kyle Blanks apparently requires the injury god's full attention.
And, finally, I've always felt the American Christmas tradition was kind of... anticlimactic.