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Dream Team: The Never Rangers

Baseball: World Baseball Classic-Venezuela at USA Orlando Ramirez-USA TODAY Sports

With Spring Training coming to an end and just one week until the season starts, I wanted to do a fun post. I'll cut to the chase, sometimes I get bored and make fake rosters/lineups. Dream Teams if you will. Generally the idea starts with something I said in a tweet. Like this. And then it gets me thinking of other players I like that aren't Rangers and have never been Rangers. Because let's face it, I have an obvious soft spot for anyone that's put on a uniform with Texas loud and proud on the front.

Except A.J. Pierzynski.

Or Matt Garza.

Or A-Rod.

Anyway! I decided to challenge myself. Creating a team of players that had never been Rangers. And if that wasn’t enough, the challenge was expanded to making a 25 man roster, only one player from each team (extremely difficult when you realize how many really likeable players play for the Cubs.)

The rules:

  1. Only one player from each team
  2. has to be a currently active player
  3. Has no Ranger affiliation, never played for or was drafted by the Texas Rangers
  4. You have to actually like the player, stats definitely come into play but they aren’t everything in this dream world (for example, sure Chapman is a great closer because he throws 100mph, a good choice, but I don’t like him so I’m not putting him on my team ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
  5. Have fun! This goes with rule 4 but not all picks have to be super serious. 80% of my picks were made on stats alone. Also involved how this player is on twitter, interviews, and most importantly the gif factor.

So I only have 28 teams to pick from since no Rangers and obviously I’m #TeamOdor and not picking a Blue Jay (even though I wanted to pick Stroman because he’s a great pitcher, Go Team USA, but he’s a Blue Jay now)

I guess it depends on how many bench guys and bullpen guys you want, but I went with seven bullpen guys, five starters, five outfielders, five infielders, two catchers, and a utility player (which was the hardest because I convinced myself Zobrist was a Royal again... plot twist, he’s still a Cub.)

Starting Pitchers

Clayton Kershaw

3x NL Cy Young winner, 2014 NL MVP, 6x All Star, pitched a no-hitter, What more could you want?

Zack Greinke

Great pitcher, won a silver slugger in 2013, but most importantly (and I know he got injured because of this but still) if someone charges the mound, he’s ready. Nolan Ryan was proud, probably.

Chris Archer

He seems like such a fun guy to have on the team. And he’s an enemy of the Blue Jays, which makes him my friend.

Noah Syndergaard

Because every team needs a superhero and I picked Thor.

Bartolo Colon

The gifs had a large influence on this pick


Adam Jones

Did you watch the WBC? No? Well *SPOILER ALERT*

Giancarlo Stanton

Andrew McCutchen

Mike Trout

I had to pick a side on the whole Trout vs. Harper and I did

Billy Hamilton

a) I needed a speedy guy b) I want all the homerun stealing outfielders


Nolan Arenado

The best third baseman after Adrian Beltre

Anthony Rizzo

Probably one of the most likeable guys in baseball, if you don’t know his story, read it here.

Robinson Cano

Look I’ll be honest here, picking a second baseman was hard. So I went with stats and Cano has the 8th highest batting average of all active players. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Carlos Correa

It was hard picking an Astro but it’s hard to deny this kid won’t have an amazing career.

Miguel Cabrera

11x All Star, Triple Crown winner, 7x silver slugger, highest average of all active players, messes with Beltre


Overall blanket statement for catchers, I obviously picked the two best catchers. Aside from starting pitching, this was probably the easiest choices I made.

Buster Posey

Yadier Molina


Eric Hosmer

Y’all. Honesty is the best policy right? Well utility was the last position I had to fill. Because like I mentioned before, I had Zobrist on the list until I realized he’s a Cub still and I couldn’t give up Rizzo. And by the time I finished, I had only the Twins, Nats, Brewers, and Royals. Also I needed another lefty. So Hosmer is my “utility.”


Andrew Miller

Had a great 2016, has a great beard, what more could you want?

Sean Doolittle

This was all based on twitter presence and he’s one of the few bullpen guys I could name off the top of my head.

Tyler Clippard

I needed another bullpen guy, and honestly all of his WBC gifs were the selling point

Jered Weaver

I’m aware he’s not a bullpen guy but have you seen the Padres roster? There’s not much to pick from and Weaver will sing Hit the Road Jack after he’s pulled.

Pat Venditte

Always pick the switch pitcher when given the chance.

Dellin Betances

I needed a Yankee that wasn’t Chapman

Craig Kimbrel

He can hit 100mph and he’s not Chapman