I’m Mike and I’m turning 40 soon. Finally, I can live out a bucket list item I’ve had for the last decade: channel my inner Mike Gundy and stand at a podium while berating a reporter as I yell “I’M A MAN, I’M 40!” (note: no mullet here for many reasons) I also love the Texas Rangers and I’m convinced Game 6 altered my brain a bit. If you’ve followed my Twitter feed for a while, this explains a lot. So, that’s what I hope to bring you here at LSB, bad tweets™ but with more characters! You’re welcome.
Ok, on to more important matters.
Let’s get this out of the way right now: Adrian Beltre is a shoo-in to be enshrined in the Baseball Hall of Fame (that pun referring to his current teammate was very much intended, welcome to my mind!). Now that we’ve taken care of that little bit of housekeeping, let’s get to the matter at hand.
Will Father Time be gracious enough to let us experience 3,000 more Adrian Beltre hits?
As Adrian Beltre enters his 21st season, there are signs of wear and tear but that’s to be expected for a pro-athlete who’ll be turning 39 this April. But the wear and tear really isn’t anything to be overly stressed out over. Adrian Beltre is that workhorse truck that’s been in the family for 20-plus years, sure it leaks oil now and then, and sure it starts up slower now but who says it can’t haul your cousin’s plaid couch or that eliptical machine (you used it once in 2-years) around for another 20 years?
I know what you’re thinking right about now. “Mike, there’s no way Adrian Beltre gets close to 6,000 hits!” And you’d be wrong. Pete Rose leads the way with 4,256 career hits but I’m betting on Adrian Beltre and so should you.
Let’s delve into some future scenarios to layout my vision for 3,000 more Adrian Beltre hits:
· April 2018: Adrian Beltre finishes the month with 75-hits. In an interview with MLB Network, Beltre glares at the MLB statistician who announces the 75-hit tally. Adrian Beltre actually finishes the month with 76-hits.
· September 2020: Beltre finishes the 2020 season with 3,524 career hits. Derek Jeter (3,465) offers Beltre the Miami Marlins’ home run sculpture earlier in the season if Beltre just stops hitting and doesn’t pass Jeter in the all-time hits category. Beltre declines this offer. Beltre can’t stop hitting.
· July 2022: Beltre has slowed down a bit but he finally notches hit number 4,255. He misses August 2022 due to a hamstring injury. Things look bleak.
· September 2022: Beltre returns to the lineup and swats a pinch-hit, walkoff grand slam against the Los Angeles Angels. In the Angels’ dugout a weary Mike Scioscia eats his hat. BELTRE HAS TIED PETE ROSE AT 4,256!
· April 2nd, 2023: Adrian Beltre blasts a 3-run triple against the Seattle Mariners to earn his 4,257th hit. HE’S NUMBER ONE I TOLD YOU TO BET ON ADRIAN BELTRE!
· May 2024: Beltre notches hit number 5,300 at home in front of 45,000 air-conditioned Rangers fans. He gets up the next morning to attend the christening ceremony for Rougned Odor’s son, Rougned Rougned Odor (affectionally nicknamed “Rougned Odor”).
· August 17th, 2025: In an interleague matchup against the Washington Nationals, Adrian Beltre sends one past a diving Mike Trout to notch his 6,000th hit. The game announcers on C-SPAN (a LOT of things have changed in sports by 2025) are simply too stunned to say anything. C-SPAN would later claim there was an audio glitch. There was no audio glitch.
Could all of this really happen? Sure.
Could Adrian Beltre slip on a banana peel at home tomorrow and end his career because of a fruit? Sure.
But I think we can all agree that Adrian Beltre is a unicorn who could ostensibly rack up 3,000 more hits.
So, will Father Time let us all experience this epic journey to 6,000 hits with Adrian Beltre? I think so and I have one simple reason why it happens:
Adrian Beltre is Father Time.