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MLB: All Star Game-National League at American League David Richard-USA TODAY Sports

Remember how you were drinking Surge and wearing a flannel shirt you stole from Goodwill and you overheard that guy who bought his whole wardrobe at Structure and loves Dave Matthews Band say he was thinking about buying Nevermind? Well, the normies have discovered Joey Gallo.

This one secret drove Hunter Pence to reinvent his swing and become and All Star (pitchers hate it!).

Jared Sandler thinks that this season’s surprising success is thanks to the organization stepping up their analytics game and the players implementing their recommendations.

Ranger fourteenth round draft pick Adam Berghorst will be playing baseball and football for Michigan State and hopes to be making another big decision about his sporting future in a few years.

Joey Gallo was just hoping to make contact in his first All Star at-bat and going yard in decisive fashion.