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63-67 - Despite Osito’s blast, ML² and Rangers lose Players’ Weekend opener to White Sox

Where’s Pico de Gallo when you need him?

Texas Rangers v. Chicago White Sox Photo by Ron Vesely/MLB Photos via Getty Images

“Nothing shows the bright and colorful personalities of MLB players quite white and black monochrome uniforms!” - A baseball ad wizard somewhere

Players’ Weekend has always seemed kind of sterile and strange in all the most MLB-is-very-sterile-and-strange-to-begin-with ways possible but tonight the Rangers looked as much like the Chicago White Sox as the Pale Hose themselves and if we were supposed to surmise celebration of individuality from the looks tonight, straight black and white seemed like a confused choice as an idea and came off as extremely odd in practice.

Anyhow, the Rangers also lost 8-3 and are now 1-6 all time during the three years of the event. A Players’ Weekend game has never been played in Arlington all but confirming that this ain’t for the Rangers in either an administrative or performative sense.

Player of the Game: Willie “Osito” Calhoun hit a three-run blast to give the Rangers a 3-0 lead in the first inning but then the Rangers never scored again and Lance “ML²” Lynn was slapped around for seven of the next eight runs the White Sox scored over the course of the game.

Up Next: More festivities to honor the individualism of all these wild baseball characters! LHP Kolby “I don’t know his Players’ Weekend nickname” Allard will wear all white with a black hat in Chicago while pitching for the Texas Rangers against RHP Ivan “Super Nova” Nova for the White Sox. It’s totally not confusing at all. Saturday’s first pitch from Guaranteed Rate Field is scheduled for 6:10 pm CT.