Spicy Boy's Top 10 Plays of the 2023 Postseason (uh oh)


Uh oh and good morning everyone, it's time for a new LSB segment presented by Spicy Boy Entertainment. The Spiciest Boy will be counting down the top 10 plays of the Texas Rangers 2023 World Championship run through the post-season. Adam semi stole my thunder yesterday with his Top 5 plays post, but I'll be running my list a little differently. While Adam based on his on like math or whatever, I will use the criteria that really matters: How spicy was it? Was it a hot play? Did it make grown men erect? Clutch? Did I cry?

So without further ado... here are the honorable mentions:

  • Mitch Garver RBI single, Game 5 of the World Series
  • Mitch Garver grand slam, Game 1 of the LDS
  • Evan Carter 2-run home run, Game 2 of the Wild Card round
  • Corey Seager-started 6-4-3 double play, Game 3 of the World Series
  • Marcus Semien 3-run home run, Game 4 of the World Series
  • Corey Seager solo homer, Game 7 of the ALCS
  • Chapman-induced 5-4-3 double play, Game 1 of the LDS
  • Leclerc strikes our Jon Singletary in Game 6

It's a pretty spicy post season when what was technically the World Series winning hit doesn't make the Top 10 plays.

The list:

#10: Heim guns down Gunnar

#9: Carter robs Bregman

#8: Adolis homers off of Verlander

#7: Adolis three run bomb in Game 3 of LDS

#6: Jonah Heim hits an RBI single in Game 5 of the WS

#5 Adolis Goes Crazy on Houston in Game 7

#4: Adolis Hits a Grand Slam Against Houston

#3: Semien hits a three run bomb in Game 5 of the WS

#2:Adolis Walks Off WS Game 1

#1 Young Corey ties in the 9th inning of Game 1

Now onto the #10 play of the post-season:

#10: Jonah Heim throws out Gunnar Henderson stealing second in Game 1 of the ALDS vs. Baltimore

It's the 9th inning and tensions are running HOT. Rangers are trying to spice home field advantage away from the number 1-seeded Orioles. The much maligned and often mild Rangers bullpen was getting their first real test of the postseason in a one-run game late. After the ever-spicy Aroldis Chapman wiggled his immense frame out of an 8th inning jam, Latin King Jose Leclerc was called upon to shut things down in the 9th. Probable American League Rookie of the Year Gunnar Henderson greeted Jose rudely with a line drive single into right field. We had seen this film before. Roughly 69 of the Rangers 72 regular season losses were the result of gut-wrenching blown saves in the 9th inning. I was chewing on a poblano dipped in buffalo sauce to ease my nerves.

Gunnar is a speedy young devil, and decided to test All-Star catcher Jonah Heim's sensual right arm. Jonah got spicy-quick release and heatered a dart down to shortstop Corey Seager, who put the tag on Gunnar faster than I put Valentina's hot sauce on my toothpaste. Gunnar was called out, the rally was squelched and the energy was removed from the stadium. Leclerc finished off the inning without a hitch and the 'Gers took Game 1 in Baltimore.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: yes
  • Heat: 9/10
  • Erection: 69
  • Clutch: yas
  • Tears?: just from the heat of the throw

Now onto the #9 play of the post-season:

#9: Evan Carter robs Alex Bregman of extra bases with a leaping catch

It’s Game 1 of the spiciest series of all time. Two HEATED interstate rivals facing off for a trip to the ship. Tensions are running hot & spicy. The Rangers have late 2-0 lead and the bullpenis trying to hang for dear life. A smaller kind of guy takes a walk which leads to another smaller kind of guy (but not as small) coming to the plate as the tying man in the 8th inning. It seemed inevitable the Bregman would drive Altuve (as well as maybe himself) home in this scenario. As he cracked a high fly ball to left field, these suspicions were all but confirmed in ours minds as the ball traveled out in the direction of the train tracks.

Young Evan Carter had already established himself as somewhat of a postseason hero with his bat in the Baltimore and Tampa series, and expectations were (probably unreasonably) high for him going into the Houston series. The Astros left field dimensions are unlike any other and you couldn’t be sure how young Evan might fare in his first game playing at that park. As Bregman spiced that heater to deep left, Evan was calmly navigating those dumb boxes and trying to find his spot. Just as Rangers fans balls were fully inside of their prostate (or however biology works), Scott Stapp was whispering sweet nothings into Evan’s ear:

"… can you spice me higher??"

And Evan could. And Evan did.

White Jesus leaped up and stole a hit from Bregman just as Bregman stole that line from Kanye. The Astros remained scoreless and the Rangers would only need one more out to get out of the inni- but wait! An appeal at second?? Whatever could have occurred? Hmm… it would seem that Altuve came up short of re-touching second on his way back to first. Altuve failing to complete this apparent tall task ended the Astros rally and helped send the Rangers to a Game 1 victory.

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Evan Carter is the spiciest white of all time.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: siracha
  • Heat: a million suns
  • Erection: on appeal, yes
  • Clutch: 10/9
  • Tears?: more of a yeller than a jerker

Now onto the #8 play of the post-season:

#8: Adolis García hits a three-run homer in Game 5 of the ALCS

It’s Game 5 of the 2023 ALCS and let’s be frank thomas: the Rangers needed a dub. After allowing the mild Astros to take a 2-1 lead into, the Rangers were able to get a couple of men on against Astros ace Justin Verlander. After a long mound visit, the Astros left Verlander in to face the undisputed Latin Spice King of the World: Adolis Garcia. Verlander left a pitch in a hittable location and oh spice daddy did Adolis ever hit it. Garcia sent a soaring drive into the left field seats giving the Rangers a 2 run lead. Spice Gods be praised, the Rangers were in a good position for the moment.

Of course we know that they won the series, but that particular game did not turn out as rosy as my description of the play may make it seem. You may be asking yourself: why would an all powerful Spicy Boy include such a non-consequential play in his top 10? It’s all about the moment.

Electricity. Drama. Noise. Scovilles.

This play had all of that in a vacuum. The loudest I yelled for a play on the entire postseason was for this home run. The neighbors were trying to get me on a DV case after my incessant yelling of "GET OUT….GET OUT". But you know I beat that charge homie, just like the Rangers would eventually beat Houston in this series, even if Altuve got the better of us in this game.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: benches clearing
  • Heat: Robert DeNiro
  • Erection: short lived, but there
  • Clutch: Like a white ally with her pearls
  • Tears?: in the 9th inning

Now onto the #7 play of the post-season:

#7: Adolis García hits a three-run homer in Game 3 of the ALDS

I will start off by saying that there might be some slight personal bias in this ranking. Spice papa was present and accounted for at this particular contest, so you know heat was in the air. The stadium was slim-thick with sexual tension. This was the first Rangers postseason game at the new park (and also in 7 years in general) and you could tell by the noise in that place. It was loud... it was spicy...I can only describe the electricity as being similar to the electricity running through ones veins after downing a fresh ghost pepper (foreshadowing?). All of this is to say that the Rangers were in a position to sweep the #1 seed in the American League and people were SPICED about it. A Corey Seager bomb followed by another early rally gave the Rangers a three run lead. The shed was alive.

Enter the undisputed Latin American Spice King of the Western Hemisphere. Adolis stepped up with a couple men on.

The stadium was loud, but it had been looking to EXPLODE. Adolis Garcia lit that match with a Carolina Reaper as he sent one high up and well over the left field fence. Rangers fans erupted like my bowels on a slow Tuesday. It was amazing. I was kissing strangers and handing out serranos to small children. Much like play #8, this play was all about the moment that Adolis gave us. We knew after this that Herbie was coming out. The play may not have ended up being particularly crucial in that game, but it gave Rangers fans an exhilarating moment that they won't soon forget.

I know I'll never forget. This my 9/11 or The Alamo, except better. Way better than 9/11. Bush was at this game, too.

Play score:

Spiciness: like a bull in a pepper stand


  • Erection: I never disclosed what body part I was high fiving with
  • Clutch: Arguably not even top 5 most clutch Adolis playoffs homers, which is wild to think about
  • Tears?: Maybe a couple at the end of the 9th inning

Now onto the #6 play of the post-season:

#6: Jonah Heim hits an RBI single in Game 5 of the World Series (clown-ball ensues)

This one was a little tricky to place. It meant so much, yes technically so little as The Rangers pitching staff only needed the one run. It was the second best play of that half inning. It was as much about the Diamondbacks screwing up as it was about the Rangers out-spicing them.

But at the same time... it was everything.

This play turned the game turned from a "I hope this happens" to a "oh is this is probably about to happen". A one run lead turned to three, and that fourth run seemed all but guaranteed as Heim stood at third with no one out. The Rangers were in the drivers seat. Those final three outs seemed so much more attainable. This was the Rangers breakthrough in this game and as a franchise. We were getting ready to take it home.

The play itself was a spice smoothie filled with habanero, ghost pepper, and Alek Thomas. Noted sex icon Jonah Heim SAUCED a hard grounder through the middle for an assured RBI single. Douchey-seeming Alek Thomas took his eye off the ball and we all spit our hot sauce out as we saw that ball gloriously roll to the deepest part of Chase Field. Heim motored into third and gave us all a spicy "LETS GOOOOO" as we celebrated and began anticipating what was to come.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: from ten to ten and ten again
  • Heat: easy 100+ exit velo
  • Erection:I was waving Nate home with it
  • Clutch: The clutchest
  • Tears?:A let some pre-tears go after this one, ngl

Now onto the #5 play of the post-season:

#5: Adolis Goes Crazy on Houston in Game 7

Technically this is four plays all in one, but I couldn't not include it. Adolis Garcia/Bryan Abreu/Martin Maldonado all got REAL spicy in game 5 of the LCS. I'm talking real spicy. I was mad, turned on, and excited all at once BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. This got Houston fans all hot and bothered because it was very rude of Adolis to hit a big home run and then get mad when they hit him with a fastball on purpose right after. Per usual, Astros fans were rational about what the situation is, and they did the right thing and mercilessly booed Adolis in each Game 6 & 7 at bat that he had. Adolis succumbed to their boos in his first four Game 6 at bats, as he struck out (quite badly) each time. I will discuss his 5th at bat in Game 6 later, but for now lets focus on what happens in Game 7.

With everything on the line and Astros fans letting him have all their heat, Adolis stepped up with a man on second base and hit an absolute spice missile to left field in his first time up. Garcia knew he had crushed it and stood frozen at home plate as he watched his impressive blast fly right into... the top of the left field wall. What could have possibly been a double ended up as just a single. My thoughts? I didn't care. Adolis plays best when he's emotional. He needs to pimp everything in this scenario, and I think that Adam spiced it best when he said that it's even more disrespectful to pimp a double into a single and then steal second immediately afterwards, which is exactly what Adolis did.

Adolis followed this up with a real home run in his second at bat, which he also pimped. An opposite field home run pimp is tough to do, but Adolis is built different. At this point, I'm wondering if Adolis can pimp for the cycle in this game.

Third at bat? Just a mundane two run single. Literally a ground ball. Kind of a pvssy move by Adolis, at least get the ball in the air you coward.

Final at bat? Adolis sneaks into the first row of the Crawford boxes this time for his second spice tater of the night, making this the most disrespectful game of all time. The Astros spice was completely stripped from their bodies and was now flowing through Garcia's fn nutsack. Any teams fans that boo him going forward should look to these games as a warning. Will that stop Houston fans? Probably not. Will Adolis keep this spice train rolling through Minute Maid? I like his odds, Bob.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: Record breaking
  • Heat: Adolis received much, but threw even more right back out
  • Erection: I had to call my doctor
  • Clutch: It was clutch because it was Game 7, but this was more about disrespect than being clutch
  • Tears?: I'm sure there were many, but the Houston fans didn't stick around long enough for me to find out.

Now onto the #4 play of the post-season:

#4:Adolis Hits a Grand Salami Against Houston in Game 6 of the LCS

ngl to you spice gods, there's a LOT of Adolis on this list. He is the undisputed Spicy Latin King of the Western Hemisphere and possibly the Eastern as well, and he certainly showed that in the playoffs. All of these plays are warranted.

I went into the back story of the mad crazy beef between Adolis and the Houston fans/players yesterday, so I won't bore you with those details again. I'm the mf spicy boy, I don't bore people. I bore peppers into orifices BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME.

Today's play has many flavors: Revenge. Redemption. Resilience. Flair. Latin Flair. Dramatics. Heat...... Spice.

Today's play is about putting the past in the past, tightening up your spice straps and doing your job. It's about silencing the haters and sending heaters. It's about making a statement. It's about ghost peppers, somehow... It has to be, right?

After the near-Game 6 level of disaster of Game 5, the Rangers had their backs against the wall in a hostile environment. The Astros fans could smell blood and Adolis was their number 1 target. The downside to being a Spicy Latin King is that sometimes you may press in the high stakes, emotional situations. El Bombi was pressing. Four at bats, four strikeouts. All ugly. All big swings. All preceded with boos and followed with mirth and laughter from the home crowd.

Strikeouts aside, the Rangers did manage to take a slim lead to the ninth. However, after the events of Game 5 (and the previous 50+ years of Rangers baseball) no one was confident in that lead. The Rangers were able to get a rally together in the top of the ninth and even scratch a run across. This helped, but we all wanted more padding to feel safe. Up steps Adolis and his golden sombrero. Garcia is greeted, once again, by a symphony of boos as he steps up for the 5th time. This time, the bases are spiced to the gills.

This is part of what makes baseball beautiful. You can be having the worst game of your career on the biggest stage, and yet... all it takes is one swing... one pitch... one spice... one mic... and you can be the hero.

The upside to being a Spicy Latin King is that you were built for the biggest moments and making them legendary.

It was a no-doubter. Felt like 130 ev off the bat. It was a statement. A middle finger. An FU. A reminder of what Adolis can do and a foreshadowing of what he would do the next night. The game was effectively over. The Rangers had all of the momentum going into Game 7 and it would show.

El Bombi officially became a legend on this swing.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: 4/4
  • Heat: So hot it sent fans to the exits
  • Erection: I named my boner Aswolis Garcia
  • Clutch: Game ender.
  • Tears?: Once again... I'm sure there were many, but the Houston fans didn't stick around long enough for me to find out.

Now onto the #3 play of the post-season:

#3: Marcus Semien hits a three run homer in Game 5 of the World Series

This one was a little tough to place. Many will have it lower. You could argue it should be number 1. Not as dramatic as the Game 1 events. It technically didn't even matter. But it was everything.

As far as Game 5 events go, this is how I would describe them:

Garver's RBI made us feel like this might actually happen.

Heim's RBI hit made us feel like it probably was going to happen.

Semien's home run made us feel like it was over. It was all, finally, about to be over.

No more drama. No more pain. Just three small outs.

I would be mild if I didn't backtrack a little bit on the grander scale of Marcus Semien's postseason. Many in my circle were picking Marcus to be the guy that really carried the Ranger's through the postseason, as he had been the mark of consistency over his last 10 baseball months as a Texas Ranger. That isn't exactly how is spiced down. Throughout the first 16 games of the postseason, Marcus popped up more than my house guests after they realize that I keep erect peppers on all of my sitting furniture, but enough about me. Semien was ice, ICE cold. If you know me, you know that I only like ice on my neck. We needed a breakout.

And Marcus finally did break out with his first October homer and 5 RBI in the Game 4 rout that I thought might be his defining moment as a Ranger. It was big for him and I was happy about it. Marcus seems like a really great, spicy guy and for some reason that I cannot fathom often gets chastised by other teams fanbases (particularly those who root for other Texas teams) for not having a World Series ring. This is insane to me, but I really wanted him to get that monkey off of his back as well.

Fast forward to Game 5 and you guys know the story. We were riding high and feeling confident after the Heim hit, but there was some frustration that we once again had been unable to get a runner home from third with less than two outs and really spice this thing away. Up steps Marcus.


Prior to 2023, I had always said that my all time favorite Ranger moment (other than Feliz striking out Arod) was the Nelson Cruz two run homer in the 5th inning of that same Game 6. It was a beautiful exclamation mark that allowed for us to sit back a little bit and enjoy what was about to be accomplished. That's essentially also what Marcus allowed us to do.


"TEXAS ON THE VERGE" was Joe Davis call as an emotional Marcus Semien rounded the bases and put the final touch on the improbable run that was straight out of our dreams. Ranger's nation simultaneously got a little cayenne in their eyes as Marcus touched home plate and spiced back to the dugout. The countdown was on. We were down to three outs once again, but this time it was different.

The Rangers were going to win.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: Over 50 years of spice
  • Heat: Hot semien all over Sewald's face
  • Erection: Marcus turned back to the dugout to show them him
  • Clutch: Season ender.
  • Tears?:I don't even have to say it

Now onto the #2 play of the post-season:

#2: El Bombi puts the finishing touches on his run with a World Series Walk Off

Well we all knew what the final two would be. It was just a matter of which order I put them in, and believe me it was like picking between a Carolina Reaper or my children: tougher than it should be. Initially I had this play #1, but as the spice has settled on this World Series run I decided that this hit was just a tad less iconic than what will be the #1 play. Realistically I could make them 1a and 1b since the two plays will be forever linked, but you're living in Spicy Boy's world and I make the rules now can I get an uh oh.


What a game. Surpasses the Nelson Cruz walk-off salami as the most thrilling game in Rangers history. It had everything. Spice. Comebacks. Heat. Homers. Habanero. Fast start. Fast women. Enough about me, though.

Adolis Garcia's postseason run is probably the greatest of all time. Most RBI ever in a single run and he didn't even play in the last two games. Heck, the Rangers swept the first two series. This mans is built different. Just kind of like your basic spicier guy. Some have called him The All-Powerful, Undisputed Spicy Latin King of the Western and Eastern Hemispheres of Anaheim. Adolis was made for these moments. He's half of this freaking list.

I'm not sure how much I can say about this one that I haven't said in other Adolis homer breakdowns. The Snakes brought in Miguel Castro, who looks like he eats Caribbean Jerk Chicken but has a pouty attitude while he does it, to face our Latin King in the bottom of the 11th. Spice was IN the building (metaphorically, I personally was at a wedding) after the events of the 9th inning, but more on that later. It felt... impossible that Adolis could do it AGAIN, but they don't call him a Latin King because he's scared to hit walk-off home runs. El Bombi has never been scared. Not when he was DFA'd multiple times, not when he faced off against his BFF in the playoffs, not when he tried to fight the entire Houston Astros, not we he struck out four times while being mercilessly booed, not when he pimped a single, and certainly not against Miguel "I pretend to like Caribbean Jerk for cultural reasons" Castro.

And of course, the impossible did happen. Adolis homered in his 5th straight game (6th total) and sent the fans home happy. As El Bombi watched his opposite field heater sail over Corbin "What race am I?" Carroll's head into the first row of seats, he began to twirl his hand in the air in celebration. What did this twirl mean? Well nobody can know for sure, but I like to think that Garcia was imagining that he was stirring an upside down bowl of Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce that he would then pour on Tommy Pham's face in disrespectful but not gay sort of way. It's what we all were thinking.

It was pure electricity.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: Adolis was a spicy Caribbean Jerk to the Dbacks.
  • Heat: Hotter than prime Jessica Alba
  • Erection: The finger twirl gets me going.
  • Clutch: They don't make them any more clutch except for maybe one play (foreshadowing uh oh)
  • Tears?:It was a Caribbean tear-Jerker

Now onto the #1 play of the post-season:

#1: Corey Seager takes us higher with a game tying homer in Game 1

I'm somewhat of a day dreamer. My mind drifts from time to time as I drive each day from pepper farm to pepper farm. The topics that my mind travels to? Oh, just the usual. Sean Evans, Scoville rankings, ghost pepper poops, world peace, Jalapeno lube (business idea don't steal), Ron Artest, and the Texas Rangers winning the World Series. The latter seemed like nothing more than a day dream in the winter of 2021. The 102 loss Rangers had a fairly deep minor league system but lacked the spicy, high end, *star* talent that it took to be a contender. They did, however, have a lot spare cash.

And they spent those peppers, daddy bear. Best believe that. Uh oh. Cash call. Big Money. Spicy.

I have never been more excited about a Ranger signing than when they signed Corey Seager. It was exactly what this franchise needed and I had always had a soft spot for Kyle's younger brother. You could argue that this signing is what really propelled the Spicy Boy from little known LSB poster to international fame. From the time of the signing on, my Rangers World Series day dreams often included a majestic Corey Seager home run when the team needed it most.

I wrote a long, emotional post - as I often do - about Corey Seager during the middle of the summer months, but I have no idea how to find it so I'll just summarize it: Corey Seager gives me hope. Hope that the Rangers could become contenders again. Hope that we can overcome Houston's hold on the division. Hope that we can have the best player on the field in any game. Hope that the Rangers could rise to the top of Spice Mountain and become the spiciest team in baseball. But enough of the fruity emotional garbage, lets get down to spiceness.

After taking an early lead in Game 1 of the Fall Classic, the Diamondbacks had shown some GUMPTION and come back against Rangers de facto ace Nathan "Iron Nerves" Eovaldi. It was 5-3 Dbacks and it was late. The Rangers had been unable to break through against Arizona's hot bullpen heading into the 9th and those sneaky snakes were bringing in their closer, Paul "Former Seattle Mariner" Sewald. This mans was the hottest of hot and had yet to allow any postseason peppers to opposing teams offenses.

Question: what's a good way to start giving up runs?

Answer: walk the #9 hitter to lead off the inning.

Paul bb what is u doing walking Leody right before half a billion dollars worth of shortstops come up?? Anyways, Leody has a heroic walk right before Semien pops up or something, idk can't remember. This brings Corey up.

Question: who is the most likely Ranger to hit a game tying home run?

Answer: daily double

I don't really get Jeopardy, but we all knew that Corey was the man or woman we wanted up in this scenario as the tying run. Before we could even begin to dream about the possibilities, our old friend Scott staapped by once again to ask his usual question:

"Can you spice me higher?"

In the blink of an eye Seager took the whole building very, very high and quite gone. I've seen no-doubters, but this one was as obvious as they come. "HIGH DRIVE... IT'S TIED" was the Joe Davis call that will forever echo through Ranger fans heads. The crowd exploded and, shockingly, Corey Seager followed suit. Corey spiced all the way down the first base line as he savored his iconic, signature moment as a Texas Ranger.

This moment will live forever.

Play score:

  • Spiciness: 5/5
  • Heat: Has a ball been hit harder?
  • Erection: Full and blooming
  • Clutch: One of the clutchest spices of all time
  • Tears?: In the Arizona outback

Well boys and girls and Hodson, we have reached the end of the top 10 plays of the Texas Rangers championship run. It was my hot pleasure to curate this list and break down the moments that we will hold spicy in our hearts for the rest of our lives. Picking between these plays was like picking between jalapeños, serranos or my son. Tough work but someone has to do the Lord's bidding and I was the spicy guy for the job.

In all of my considerations, I intentionally spiced one play aside as it did not fit in any standard top plays ranking. It transcends such classifications and stands alone in greatness.

So, without further ado, I present the last play of the postseason:

Ranked above all else: Josh Sborz strikes out Ketel Marte looking in the bottom of the 9th to end Game 5.

I picked up Rangers baseball as a young spice, around the age of 8. I had just started playing coach pitch ball and experimenting with hallucinatory peppers, so picking up the local MLB team was a natural evolution. I came into my fandom of the squad in the Showalter years and, while those were anything but spicy, the Rangers hot bats were enough to make me a fan for life.

My childhood dreams would often switch back and forth between what the sexiest hot sauce is and hopes of the Rangers winning it all. I would most fantasize about how the World Series winning moment would look. A walk-off home run? A strikeout? A diving catch? Spice Dad 3000 is the sentimental type, so I would usually land on a nice popup. Something we could savor, like a nice bell pepper dipped in ghost pepper Tabasco.

Then 2010 and, most of all, 2011 came and at that point, any World Series winning moment would be good enough. It just needed it to happen.

Fast forward 12 years and Marcus Semien has just hit a two-run homer to put the Rangers up 5-0 in the 9th.

That final winning moment, however it may unfold, was on the verge. A few minutes later and we now have two gone in the bottom of the ninth.


The names aren’t exactly who you would dream of.

Josh Sborz, a reliever with a 5.50 regular season ERA who has been nearly DFA’d seemingly dozens of times. Not exactly Neftali Feliz, my favorite player as of 2010.

Fastball down and in, 1-0 count.

Ketel Marte, a good player but not exactly Alex Rodriguez in terms of infamy, skill, or relevance to the Rangers franchise.

Fastball fouled back, 1-1 count

The odds of these two ever facing off in a moment of such great relevance and spice was quite low.

Curveball on the outside corner, 1-2 count.

The moment seemed surreal. No drama, no worrying. Only feelings of anticipation and wonderments of "Is this a dream?". We would soon be told that were not, in fact, dreaming.

Fastball JUST off the inside corner. 2-2 count.

Over 50 years of pain, longing, yearning, spicelessness, all nearing their final moments. The pressure was about to be released, like a big pepper being dislodged from the digestive tract after it went in either the front or the back door. Speaking of back doors….

Curveball on the outside corner. Josh Sborz strikes out Ketel Marte on 5 pitches. The game is over.

"It’s over"

The ghosts of 2011. It’s over. The bottom of the 7th in Toronto. It’s over. The Giants celebrating on our field. It’s over. All the dog days of summer where the Rangers would fade from the race. It’s over. DECADES of futility. It’s over.

It might not have fit my exact spice boy daydreams, but it was perfect. Now who wants to see a young brother eat a ghost pepper??

The video everyone has been spicing for:

Thanks for reading all my hot words can I get an uhoh